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Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities, the government encourage businesses to move to the rural area. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities, the government encourage businesses to move to the rural area. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In these modernization era, most of people want to build the building in the city this is a huge issue. Nowadays, because of the trade and the homes dilemma in the countryside, the state encourages the enterprise moving in the provincial place. In this essay, I will discuss the benefit and drawback of this statement. Reason in this it is the big problem that encounter of our government due to the small space, and also having a bigger population in the municipality. But it is also a huge help to people who have made making a business because the have more costumer. Firstly, in this topic, let us tell the merit if how this theme can share in our society, if the labour is transferred in the countrified the place become wide and clean as well as not over crowded. Secondly, this spot is relaxing and also quiet, human kind wants to live in the smooth area. For example, If the masses travel in the city they cannot encounter traffic because the highway is clear and not have a big building as well as many buses and car. However, although this is impossible, but this is a good idea if the board of directors implements this role. Thirdly, this matter has also conned if the regime like the business move in the rustic site the community have a huge place and also the fresh air environment. Even though it is far away from the town, but the people have a peaceful mind. For instance, the children are free to play in their backyard and in the park because it is easy to walk. Moreover, the management they are big role in this issue because if they are performance this is not happening. In conclusion, because of the jamming and resettlement the country this is the cause of the many populations in the city. The government needs to do an action so that this theme becomes resolvable and the people having a better place to live. In my opinion, this is strength if the community takes care of the management. Happy people they have also had active and energetic directors.
In
Did you mean "this modernization" or "these modernizations"?
these modernization
era, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to build the building in the city this is a huge issue. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the trade and the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "homes'" or "home's"?
homes
dilemma in the countryside, the state encourages the enterprise moving in the provincial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. In this essay, I will discuss the benefit and drawback of this statement. Reason in this it is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem that encounter of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
space, and
also
having a bigger population in the municipality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is
also
a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have made making a business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the have
Use only "costumer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more costumer
.

Firstly
, in this topic,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the merit if how this theme can share in our society, if the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is transferred
in the countrified the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
become wide and clean
as well
as not over crowded.
Secondly
, this spot is relaxing and
also
quiet, human kind wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the smooth area.
For example
, If the masses travel in the city they cannot encounter traffic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the highway is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and not have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
building
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
buses and car.
However
, although this is impossible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
if the board of directors implements this role.

Thirdly
, this matter has
also
conned if the regime like the business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in the rustic site the community have a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and
also
the fresh air environment.
Even though
it is far away from the town,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a peaceful mind.
For instance
, the children are free to play in their backyard and in the park
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is easy to walk.
Moreover
, the management they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they are performance this is not happening.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the jamming and resettlement the country this is the cause of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
populations in the city. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to do an action
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that this theme becomes resolvable and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. In my opinion, this is strength if the community takes care of the management. Happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they have
also
had active and energetic directors.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Because of traffic and housing problems in the cities, the government encourage businesses to move to the rural area. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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