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In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food clothing or medicine To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food clothing or medicine v. 2
Nowadays, it is widely acknowledge that many products made from animals like food or clothes can be replaced by other modern version. Based on that trend, even though some people say we no longer need to depend on animals to satisfy our lives, I would argue that we still need animal products to some extent, especially in doing research about medicine. For clothes, animals used to be the major sources of materials to produce our outfit. Hundreds of thousands of years ago, humans knew how to use the skins from big animals like bears or tigers to cover their body to survive during winters. Even in modern time, during twentieth century, rich people and celebrities in many western countries still held the belief of the necessity of using animals that way for making our outfits. Only for last few decades, this has been strongly opposed by many environmentalists, activists, wildlife conservationists, and then politicians and governments because of the immorality of sacrificing animals just to make what people wear and the growing supports for the necessity of natural conservations. Moreover, thanks to the development of science and technology, authentic materials have been discovered and industrially made for the specific purposes of making clothes with many advantages like various colors, cheaper prices and especially no requiring killing animals. Therefore, we now and never will need animals to satisfy our wearing demands. In case of food, animals are still the sources of what we eat to some extent. Livestock have provided meat for humans since the agricultural revolutions thousands of years ago, and nowadays are still doing that work in most of countries around the world. People have depended on meat and fish for very long time; hence it would be difficult to change people behaviors, and the husbandry will remain significant in our modern economy. Until very recently, artificial meats have been invented with the specific benefit of not depending on raising animals, and therefore are believed to be very promising to replace beef and fork in the coming years. However, more tests and trials need to be done to guarantee whether general public would accept that new types of meats since they still can feel the slight difference between the animal-based version and the lab-growing one in terms of taste. In short, the dependence of food on animals is still significant but there are clear evidence to say that it will not last for long. Turning to medicine, animals are crucial more than ever. For last 100 years, more diseases have been discovered, along with more medicine having been created to save human lives. Even now, pharmaceutical research and experiments are being conducted worldwide to fight against cancers, cardiovascular diseases and many others. To satisfy the demands of saving patients, drugs need to be tested before being produced at industrial scales and scientists are still using animals like mouse to check the effectiveness of the new medicine in real organism. That is, unfortunately, still the only visible way to make sure the safety of the drug and there is still no other option equally feasible. As a result, modern humans still need animals to make medicine to protect ourselves. In conclusion, although we have been successful at stopping killing animals for cloths, there is still a long way to do the same thing in case of food, and I still do not see any scenario in which medicine could be developed without using animals in foreseeable future.
Nowadays, it is
widely
acknowledge
that
many
products made from
animals
like
food
or
clothes
can
be replaced
by other
modern
version. Based on that trend,
even though
some
people
say we no longer
need
to depend on
animals
to satisfy our
lives
, I would argue that we
still
need
animal
products to
some
extent,
especially
in doing research about medicine.

For
clothes
,
animals
used
to be the major sources of materials to produce our outfit. Hundreds of thousands of years ago,
humans
knew how to
use
the skins from
big
animals
like bears or tigers to cover their body to survive during winters. Even in
modern
time, during twentieth century, rich
people
and celebrities in
many
western countries
still
held the belief of the necessity of using
animals
that way for making our outfits.
Only
for last few decades, this has been
strongly
opposed by
many
environmentalists, activists, wildlife conservationists, and then politicians and
governments
because
of the immorality of sacrificing
animals
just
to
make
what
people
wear and the growing supports for the necessity of natural
conservations
.
Moreover
, thanks to the development of science and technology, authentic materials have
been discovered
and
industrially
made for the specific purposes of making
clothes
with
many
advantages like various colors, cheaper prices and
especially
no requiring killing
animals
.
Therefore
, we
now
and never will
need
animals
to satisfy our wearing demands.

In case of
food
,
animals
are
still
the sources of what we eat to
some
extent. Livestock have provided
meat
for
humans
since the agricultural revolutions thousands of years ago, and nowadays are
still
doing that work in
most of countries
around the world.
People
have depended on
meat
and fish for
very
long time;
hence
it would be difficult to
change
people
behaviors, and the husbandry will remain significant in our
modern
economy. Until
very
recently, artificial
meats
have
been invented
with the specific benefit of not depending on raising
animals
, and
therefore
are believed
to be
very
promising to replace beef and fork in the coming years.
However
, more
tests
and trials
need
to
be done
to guarantee whether
general public
would accept that new types of
meats
since they
still
can feel the slight difference between the animal-based version and the lab-growing one in terms of taste. In short, the dependence of
food
on
animals
is
still
significant
but
there are
clear
evidence to say that it will not last for long.

Turning to
medicine
,
animals
are crucial more than ever. For last 100 years, more diseases have
been discovered
, along with more
medicine
having
been created
to save
human
lives
. Even
now
, pharmaceutical research and experiments are
being conducted
worldwide to fight against cancers, cardiovascular diseases and
many
others. To satisfy the demands of saving patients, drugs
need
to be
tested
before
being produced
at industrial scales and scientists are
still
using
animals
like mouse to
check
the effectiveness of the new
medicine
in real organism.
That is
, unfortunately,
still
the
only
visible way to
make
sure the safety of the drug and there is
still
no other option
equally
feasible.
As a result
,
modern
humans
still
need
animals
to
make
medicine
to protect ourselves.

In conclusion
, although we have been successful at stopping killing
animals
for
cloths
, there is
still
a long way to do the same thing in case of
food
, and I
still
do not
see
any scenario in which
medicine
could
be developed
without using
animals
in foreseeable future.
26Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food clothing or medicine v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
577 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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