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Government spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes Most recently Mars is the focus of scientists attention Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home Do you agree or disagree v.2

Government spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes Most recently Mars is the focus of scientists attention Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home v. 2
Nowadays, when the science and economy had been grown continually, many governments in developed countries are more concerned about how to achieve the space. They spent a massive part of their budget to invest in space science, especially Mars research. But, in fact, it will be more valuable and meaningful when this money is given for somebody who really needs in the earth in general and their miserable citizens in particular instead of something a billion kilometres far from here. There are two reasons which explain why I don’t agree with the excessive spending on space exploration. First, the national body should focus on the citizens’ life when the people are facing many problems related to the lack of income. Second, the natural disasters become more complicated in recent years, it takes a lot of money to solve their damages and support the ruined lives of people. All countries in the world, no matter the number of their GDP or their levels in the economic world ranking, have the big problem which had existed year by year, there are poverty, homeless, unemployment, illiterate, … These issues affect directly to the general society and cause the crime problems. Obviously, the government need to solve these cases with their money first before care about the other planet. After all, the budget of the government comes from citizens’ taxes, so it’s reasonable that this money is used for people’s benefits. Moreover, the polluted environment is a prominent reason for natural disasters. Each year, the world, especially the countries has adjoining land was sea, suffer a million storm, volcano, earthquakes, … It leads to the loss of money and people and the government is still confused about the effective solution. At least, their budget can be spent more on replicating the construction, recovery the society. It will be worse when the other planet like Mars has innovation as well as the investment when the life in the earth still is threatened by a wide range of different factors.
Nowadays, when the science and economy had
been grown
continually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
are more concerned about how to achieve the space. They spent a massive part of their budget to invest in space science,
especially
Mars research.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in fact, it will be more valuable and meaningful when this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for somebody who
really
needs in the earth
in general
and their miserable citizens
in particular
instead
of something a billion
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
far from here.

There are two reasons which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the excessive spending on space exploration.
First
, the national body should focus on the citizens’ life when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems related to the lack of income. Second, the natural disasters become more complicated in recent years, it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to solve their damages and support the ruined
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

All countries in the world, no matter the number of their GDP or their levels in the economic world ranking, have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem which had existed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, there are poverty, homeless, unemployment, illiterate, … These issues affect
directly
to the general society and cause the crime problems.
Obviously
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
need to solve these cases with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
care about the other planet.
After all
, the budget of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from citizens’ taxes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it’s reasonable that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s benefits.

Moreover
, the polluted environment is a prominent reason for natural disasters. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, the world,
especially
the countries has adjoining land was sea, suffer a million storm, volcano, earthquakes, … It leads to the loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
still
confused about the effective solution. At least, their budget can
be spent
more on replicating the construction, recovery the society. It will be worse when the other planet like Mars has innovation
as well
as the investment when the life in the earth
still
is threatened
by a wide range of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factors.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Government spend millions of dollars each year on their space programmes Most recently Mars is the focus of scientists attention Some people think this money would be better spent on dealing with problems closer to home v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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