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In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience. v.5

In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. v. 5
It is reckoned that humans are no longer dependent on animals for their basic needs such as food, clothing or medicine in this new world. However, I disagree with the given statement. This essay will show, how mankind is dependent on animals for their basic needs. First of all, I agree that living trend has been changed in the past few years, but people are still dependent on animals and medicine is a a prime example of this. According to a survey, Averagely, a normal people fall sick twice or thrice during a complete year and that time they need medicine to come over from this and most medicines are having fish part. Thus, Humans are very much dependent on animal In medical industry. Secondly, We all know that, how population is increasing day by day. Therefore, only vegetarian options such as flour, rice and green vegetables are not enough to fulfil the food requirements of the world. So lots of people eat animals or fish to fulfil their needs. For example, there are certain areas in the world that cannot grow vegetables due to climate are not suitable, so they eat animals for their needs. Similarly, In the textile industry, people use sheep wool to make jackets, which keeps them warm during winters. To conclude, There is no denying that trend of living has been changed in past few decades. But people are still dependent on animals for a lot of things such as medical, textile and food industry.
It
is reckoned
that humans are no longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
such as food, clothing or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
in this new world.
However
, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, how mankind is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their basic needs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that living trend has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the past few years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
is
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "a" is left.
a a
prime example of this. According to a survey,
Averagely
, a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fall sick twice or thrice during a complete year and that time they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
over from this and most medicines are having fish part.
Thus
, Humans are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
In medical industry.

Secondly
, We all know that, how population is increasing day by day.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
vegetarian options such as flour, rice and green vegetables are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to fulfil the food requirements of the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
or fish to fulfil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
For example
, there are certain areas in the world that cannot grow vegetables due to climate are not suitable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
Similarly
, In the textile industry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
sheep wool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
jackets, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them warm during winters.

To conclude
, There is no denying that trend of living has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in past few decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dependent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things such as medical, textile and food industry.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Munia Khan

IELTS essay In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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