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Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.13

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. v. 13
Nowadays, smoking rates are increasing in some countries. This represents a giant problem, generating health issues to the smoker, as well as others who are close to that person, such as family, friends or even people on the street. For that reason, smoking in general places should be forbidden. I agree with that because we must decrease the amount of active smokers and, also, avoid and remove passive smoking. First of all, the government and social institutions should give information to the general society about the sides of be an active smoker. There are many health issues that this human will suffer because of that bad habit, such as lug diseases. Helping people to stop smoking is crucial, for instance, offering them psychological assistance to fight against this addiction. It will be an improvement for the whole society and health in general. Secondly, the key is eradicating passive smoking. It means that we, as a community, need to be aware of the problems that we can generate in others if we are smoking nearby them. Furthermore, the government should ban smoking in public places, especially indoors. It is proven that passive smoking brings breathing diseases and, in later instances, lung cancer. For example, my mother was a passive smoker for several years because my father used to smoke a lot of cigars every day. Nowadays, she experiments breathing issues and need oxygen in some cases. In conclusion, as a society we should push together to decrease smoking rates. Also, we need government measures to reach that. They should give information about cons to be an active and passive smoker as well, avoiding passive smoking and preventing a future damage in active smoker's health.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
rates are increasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. This represents a giant problem, generating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues to the smoker,
as well
as others who are close to that person, such as family, friends or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the street. For that reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in general
places should
be forbidden
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
decrease the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
smokers and,
also
, avoid and remove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passive
smoking.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and social institutions should give information to the general society about the sides of be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
smoker. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues that this human will suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit, such as lug diseases. Helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is crucial,
for instance
, offering them psychological assistance to fight against this addiction. It will be an improvement for the whole society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in general
.

Secondly
, the key is eradicating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
. It means that we, as a community, need to be aware of the problems that we can generate in others if we are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
nearby them.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public places,
especially
indoors. It
is proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
brings breathing diseases and, in later instances, lung cancer.
For example
, my mother was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passive
smoker for several years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to smoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cigars every day. Nowadays, she experiments breathing issues and need oxygen in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.

In conclusion
, as a society we should push together to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
rates.
Also
, we need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
measures to reach that. They should give information about cons to be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passive
smoker
as well
, avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
and preventing
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "future damage".
a future damage
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
smoker's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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