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In most develop countries the average life expectancy is constantly increasing. Discuss the positive and negative aspects of this trend. v.1

In most develop countries the average life expectancy is constantly increasing. Discuss the positive and negative aspects of this trend. v. 1
In several nations across the globe, the very basic purpose of shopping has changed. While, earlier people viewed it as a means of satisfying human need, no, it is considered as a recreational activity. This essay will first, discuss the reasons of this trend, and further, will support the argument that impulsive buying is a negative development, followed by a reasoned conclusion. Ealier, it was tough for us to survive as diseases were fatal and many medical conditions had no cure. Thus, if a person gets affected by a virus, he was more likely to die. For example, in the recent past, corona a deadly virus was all over the globe and to survive this virus either one should have immunity to fight against the virus or the infected should get proper medical care as soon as possible. Nevertheless, medical officials tried to create vaccinations, but they were not able to deduce vaccination and due to which many people had to suffer. On the other hand, due to better health care system now a day we are losing our natural immunity. It is certainly a cause of concern. I mean, our body is more subjected to viruses and if a person cannot bear the cost of treatment he may have to lose his life. To cite an example, in a study, it was found that our immune system is weaker than our ancestors and it is only due to the exposure of toxic chemicals used in medicines. Although, the average number of years has increased, but we have definitely compromised with quality of life. In conclusion, it seems fascinating that we live more than usual, but the truth is bitter. Now, we are more prone to disease and we require constant medical care or tablets. It is surely a negative development.
In several nations across the globe, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
basic purpose of shopping has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. While, earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
viewed it as a means of satisfying human need, no, it
is considered
as a recreational activity. This essay will
first
, discuss the reasons of this trend, and
further
, will support the argument that impulsive buying is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Ealier
, it was tough for us to survive as diseases were fatal and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
conditions had no cure.
Thus
, if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
virus
, he was more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.
For example
, in the recent past, corona a deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
virus
was all over the globe and to survive this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
virus
either one should have immunity to fight against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
virus
or the infected should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
officials tried to create vaccinations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they were not able to deduce vaccination and due to which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had to suffer.

On the other hand
, due to better health care system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day we are losing our natural immunity. It is
certainly
a cause of concern. I mean, our body is more subjected to viruses and if a person cannot bear the cost of treatment he may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
lose his life. To cite an example, in a study, it
was found
that our immune system is weaker than our ancestors and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to the exposure of toxic chemicals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in medicines. Although, the average number of years has increased,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we have definitely compromised with quality of life.

In conclusion
, it seems fascinating that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more than usual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the truth is bitter.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, we are more prone to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
disease and
we require constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care or tablets. It is
surely
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In most develop countries the average life expectancy is constantly increasing. Discuss the positive and negative aspects of this trend. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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