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In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. v. 2
In the past two decades, there has been a significant change in eating habits with a shift to more unhealthy convenience foods that can be consumed on the go. Although this has resulted in some negative consequences, it is possible to mitigate them if governments and citizens take action together. The increase in the consumption of fast food has led to serious health effects in today’s society. The first problem is that many people no longer have time to prepare and sit down to healthily cooked meals, so instead turn to fast food, which has led to soaring obesity rates. In addition, it is cited that unhealthy foods are substantially cheaper and are therefore consumed in greater volume by the working classes as opposed to more expensive fresh foods such as fish, fruit and vegetables. A third issue is that the unhealthy chemicals and preservatives in processed foods have been directly attributed to causing fatal health issues such as cardiovascular disease and cancer. There are several measures that governments could take to lessen the impact of the aforementioned problems. Regarding the time constraints of society, laws to restrict employee working hours and the enforcement of longer lunch breaks could encourage people to change their eating habits. To address cost issues, governments could implement higher taxation levies on unhealthy foods and use the revenues generated to subsidize fresh foods for working class families. Governments should also directly address the production methods of mass processed foods with the manufacturers and implement tougher restrictions on the use of harmful preservatives. In conclusion, a range of measures can be taken to combat the health issues related to consuming unhealthy food. If such actions are not implemented, it is likely that these problems will become more prevalent and lead to a greater number of unnecessary deaths.
In the past two decades, there has been a significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in eating habits with a shift to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
that can
be consumed
on the go. Although this has resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences, it is possible to mitigate them if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and citizens take action together.

The increase in the consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has led to serious health effects in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society. The
first
problem is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
no longer have time to prepare and sit down to
healthily
cooked meals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
instead
turn to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which has led to soaring obesity rates.
In addition
, it
is cited
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
substantially
cheaper and are
therefore
consumed in greater volume by the working classes as opposed to more expensive fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as fish, fruit and vegetables. A third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
chemicals and preservatives in processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
have been
directly
attributed to causing fatal health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
such as cardiovascular disease and cancer.

There are several measures that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could take to lessen the impact of the aforementioned problems. Regarding the time constraints of society, laws to restrict employee working hours and the enforcement of longer lunch breaks could encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their eating habits. To address cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could implement higher taxation levies on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the revenues generated to subsidize fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
for working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
families.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
should
also
directly
address the production methods of mass processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
with the manufacturers and implement tougher restrictions on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of harmful preservatives.

In conclusion
, a range of measures can
be taken
to combat the health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
related to consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. If such actions are not implemented, it is likely that these problems will become more prevalent and lead to a greater number of unnecessary deaths.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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