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In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. v. 3
Nowadays, there is a significant number of products made from animals like food or clothes can be replaced by other modern way. Although I agree with this trend, I also argue that we still need animal products to some extent. On the one hand, it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer. To begin with, animals are used to be the major sources of materials to produce the outfit, until now some wealthy people in many developed countries still use skin of animals for making their clothes. However, this is the modern century, so there are a huge of materials can replace the animals’ skin. Furthermore, the meat like the chickens, beefs, porks can replace by the plant and vegetable. It provides sufficient nutrients for our body and can also help us prevent from a substantial number of problems such as the high blood pressure, cardiovascular and really good for our eyes. For example, carrot contains a lot of vitamin A and can prevent people from myopia. On the other hand, animal testing has played an essential role in the medical fields. With the development of technology, we can replace animal experiment with the computer programs that could provide a significant number of results. However, finished drug must be inspected by testing animals like hamsters before giving to patients for safety. For instance, animal testing has so far saved many patients the virus diseases by finding suitable vaccines. To sum up, people should stop experimenting on the animal and find some other new medicals by technology.
Nowadays, there is a significant number of products made from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
like food or clothes can
be replaced
by other modern way. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this trend, I
also
argue that we
still
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
products to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

On the one hand, it is
morally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to suffer. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be the major sources of materials to produce the outfit, until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
skin of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for making their clothes.
However
, this is the modern century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
materials can replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
skin.
Furthermore
, the meat like the chickens, beefs,
Possible spelling mistake found.
porks can
replace by the plant and vegetable. It provides sufficient nutrients for our body and can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from a substantial number of problems such as the high blood pressure, cardiovascular and
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our eyes.
For example
, carrot contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
vitamin A and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from myopia.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
testing has played an essential role in the medical fields. With the development of technology, we can replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
experiment with the computer programs that could provide a significant number of results.
However
, finished drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be inspected
by testing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
like hamsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving to patients for safety.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
testing has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far saved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
patients the virus diseases by finding suitable vaccines.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
experimenting on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
and find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other new medicals by technology.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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