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In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. v. 1
All around the world, animal products are used for food, clothes and also for medicine. Because of the development of human society and values, I believe that we should try to limit the use of animals for our own purpose. Firstly, many studies shows that plant-based diets not only provide enough nutrients for our bodies to function normally, but also help us prevent health problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure or heart attacks. Meat has a lot of nutrients, but we can still replace it with plants. There are sufficient vegetable-based products such as pulse and soya milk that are rich in protein. Secondly, I think that sacrificing an animal’s life for a jacket or a dress is extremely cruel. Nowadays, clothes made of artificial materials are warmer, softer than the natural materials and less initial cost and maintenance cost. So, no longer need to exploit animals for manufacturing clothes. Finally, with the development of artificial chemicals we can replace animal experimentations with sophisticated computer programs that could provide more accurate results. For instance, computer-based testing has been used for the test the safety of new drugs or cancer treatments and has proved effective. Therefore, no longer necessary to use animals for new medicine testing or treatments. In conclusion, I believe that we should always try to limit the suffering of all creatures and aim for a world where we do not use animal products. It would be better for the environment and for ourselves.
All around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
products are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for food, clothes and
also
for medicine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the development of human society and values, I believe that we should try to limit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
purpose.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that plant-based diets not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
nutrients for our bodies to function
normally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
health problems such as diabetes, high blood pressure or heart attacks. Meat has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
nutrients,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can
still
replace it with plants. There are sufficient vegetable-based products such as pulse and
Possible spelling mistake found.
soya
milk that are rich in protein.

Secondly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that sacrificing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal’s
life for a jacket or a dress is
extremely
cruel. Nowadays, clothes made of artificial materials are warmer, softer than the natural materials and less initial cost and maintenance cost.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, no longer need to exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for manufacturing clothes.

Finally
, with the development of artificial chemicals we can replace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
Possible spelling mistake found.
experimentations
with sophisticated computer programs that could provide more accurate results.
For instance
, computer-based testing has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
the safety of new drugs or cancer treatments and has proved effective.
Therefore
, no longer necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for new medicine testing or treatments.

In conclusion
, I believe that we should always try to limit the suffering of all creatures and aim for a world where we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
products. It would be better for the environment and for ourselves.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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