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In the modern society, schools are no longer necessary as we could have so much information throughout the internet that children could study at home as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

In the modern society, schools are no longer necessary as we could have so much information throughout the internet that children could study at home as well. v. 2
It is true that the ever advancement of virtual network technology has been encouraging people to put more value on the on-line study. Although one argument is that schools will be completely replaced by studying through the Internet, I firmly against with the opinion. There is no doubt that students could derive some unique benefits from studying at school. First of all, school teaching is more capable than the Internet in cultivating a responsible and contributing generation. This has been proved by the walking examples that students, especially young children, always regard their teachers as role models. By imitating and listening to their teachers, students are able to learn to understand and share the value system of that society, thereby becoming capable individuals in the future. Additionally, teachers are more superior to computers in effectively imparting knowledge to children. This is because experienced teachers could change teaching methods according to the personality of different students, which can effectively enhance the teaching effects and learning outcomes. Admittedly, those who support learning from the Internet may also possess some sound points. In particular, the ever deepening development of the Internet enables people to access information and knowledge with a just click of a button, providing a rather appealing and easy way of learning. However, compared with the teacher, computer are much inferior in performing different scenarios and providing multi-functional instructions, which is largely attributed to its nature that can only provide some rigid and repetitive displays and have little flexibility. Therefore, it is unreasonable to say that school-age children can acquire enough knowledge simply through studying from the virtual world. In conclusion, although the Internet is an innovative way for people to acquire knowledge and information. I am in support of the idea that school education remains the most significance.
It is true that the ever advancement of virtual network technology has been encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to put more value on the on-line study. Although one argument is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will be completely replaced by studying through the Internet, I
firmly
against with the opinion.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could derive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unique benefits from studying at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teaching is more capable than the Internet in cultivating a responsible and contributing generation. This has
been proved
by the walking examples that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
especially
young children, always regard their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
as role models. By imitating and listening to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are able to learn to understand and share the value system of that society, thereby becoming capable individuals in the future.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are more superior to computers in
effectively
imparting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to children. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
teaching methods according to the personality of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which can
effectively
enhance the teaching effects and learning outcomes.

Admittedly
, those who support learning from the Internet may
also
possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sound points.
In particular
, the ever deepening development of the Internet enables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to access information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
click of a button, providing a
rather
appealing and easy way of learning.
However
, compared with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, computer are much inferior in performing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
scenarios and providing multi-functional instructions, which is
largely
attributed to its nature that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rigid and repetitive displays and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
flexibility.
Therefore
, it is unreasonable to say that school-age children can acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
simply
through studying from the virtual world.

In conclusion
, although the Internet is an innovative way for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and information. I am in support of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education remains the most significance.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern society, schools are no longer necessary as we could have so much information throughout the internet that children could study at home as well. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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