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In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. v. 4
Shops are mainly for shopping. But nowadays we can do a lot of activities in the shops. We sometimes go there only to eat food. Now some shops are being made to that trend. Some people believe that customers are going to all shops for entertainment, not buy anything. I agree to some extent. In an essay, I am going to provide to my view. Now most people enjoy shopping online. But it is not convenient and give more time. Because you have to wait for delivery for several days and sometimes goods are not what you want. In spite of these drawbacks, people want to it. So shops which we can do most activities are being organized to recruit people to emporium there. Because the salesmen know that people want to meet with friends and talk about a lot with a cup of coffee. After that, they especially women enjoy shopping. In another way, shops profit a lot. Because they win two sides, customers pay to relax and chain. Nowadays some malls have community to eat, children's play areas and others. The restaurant's foods of there are very cheaper than other restaurants and make faster than other foods. I think the trend will increase. Swimming pool, cinema, gym, dance square, museum and so on will be built in the future. There are some shops which they are not changed. They are only for shopping. Because their place is not large, so there are not places for entertainment. But they have enough customers, enough benefit. I believe that there will be the neighbourhood for entertainment in other shops, but not all. People will go to the emporium to relax and enjoy taking or meeting friends and family, and shopping too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shops
are
mainly
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays we can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
activities in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
go there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to eat food.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are
being made
to that trend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that customers are going to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
for entertainment, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. In an essay, I am going to provide to my view.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is not convenient and give more time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for delivery for several days and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are not what you want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these drawbacks,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
which we can do most activities are
being organized
to recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to emporium there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the salesmen know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with friends and talk about a lot with a cup of coffee. After that, they
especially
women enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. In another way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
profit a lot.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they win two sides, customers pay to relax and chain.

Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
malls have community to eat, children's play areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. The restaurant's foods of there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cheaper than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
restaurants and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
faster than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
foods. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the trend will increase. Swimming pool, cinema, gym, dance square, museum and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on will
be built
in the future.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
which they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
their place is not large,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there are not places for entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
customers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
benefit.

I believe that there will be the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
for entertainment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will go to the emporium to relax and enjoy taking or meeting friends and family, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
too.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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