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In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. v. 2
These days, people go to shopping malls, both for shopping and entertainment. Some people believe that in the future, the main purpose of going to malls will be entertainment, not shopping. However, my view is that some shops will certainly survive in each shopping mall in the future. Currently, many people do their shopping online. For these people, a shopping mall will not be an important place for shopping. Also, in some other people’s opinion, shopping malls are entertaining places rather than a proper place to shop. But in fact, there will be so many places in each city that people will be able to go for entertainment instead of going to shopping malls. For example, you can go to a club, gym, sports centre and cinema for that purpose. Generally, shopping malls have some advantages for people who want to shop compared with other methods of shopping like online shopping. They let people enjoy buying goods with their family members or friends. Also, people who go to shopping malls will have the chance of choosing between different choices. People who go to shopping malls can avoid some disadvantages of other ways of buying like online shopping. For instance, they can check the size, quality, and colour of clothes which they bus and seek the advice of shop assistants. Finally, shops definitely give character to a shopping mall. In fact, a shopping mall loses its meaning and concept without shops. I believe that there will be a place for shops in each shopping mall in the future. Although entertainment facilities will grow in number, but shopping malls are going to gather shops and entertainment under one roof.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
, both for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that in the future, the main purpose of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will be entertainment, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
However
, my view is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will
certainly
survive in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
in the future.

Currently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online. For these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
will not be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Also
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
rather
than a proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in fact, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in each city that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to go for entertainment
instead
of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
For example
, you can go to a club, gym, sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and cinema for that purpose.

Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
compared with other methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
like online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with their family members or friends.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will have the chance of choosing between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
choices.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
can avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of other ways of buying like online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
For instance
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the size, quality, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
of clothes which they bus and seek the advice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
assistants.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
definitely give character to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
. In fact, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
loses its meaning and concept without shops.

I believe that there will be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
in the future. Although entertainment facilities will grow in number,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are going to gather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and entertainment under one roof.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
54Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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