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in the future the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment not to shop DO you agree or disagree v.1

in the future the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment not to shop v. 1
Traditionally, students are obliged to attend lectures, where a large number of students sit together, listening to the lecturer. However, these years have witnessed the development and popularization of information technology, some people argue that the importance of lectures seems to be vague, because students can gain the same things online. From my perspective, I am in pros of this idea and this essay will discuss the reasons why lectures tend to be less essential. Some conservative people might believe that if students go to those lectures, they might learn something more or less in class. However, the truth is that a high percentage of students play with their phones in class. Usually, those lecture rooms are quite large and spacious, so those lecturers might fail to observe every student in class. Therefore, lectures tend to be less efficient or helpful to the students. However, nowadays, due to the wide use of the Internet, students can have those classes online at home or wherever it is convenient to them. In the way, students do not need to rush to those lecture rooms in advance and they can have more time for themselves. Also, there will not be any problem fighting for the seats in those front rows, because everybody gets their own equal space online. In comparison, in those traditional classes, there might be some bickering or fights for those seats. Moreover, online lectures are especially conducive to those shy students. For example, for those online lectures, students can send their questions in the chatting box and lecturers can gather those problems efficiently and in the next session, they can focus on those areas that students find tricky. Comparatively, in those face-to-face lectures, some timid students might not dare to ask questions. In conclusion, thanks to the advancement of the Internet, students have better learning conditions now. They can even enjoy more efficient and convenient classes in wherever they like. Thus, the necessity of attending these lectures has been declining.
Traditionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are obliged
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
, where
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
sit together, listening to the lecturer.
However
, these years have witnessed the development and popularization of information technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
seems to be vague,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can gain the same things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. From my perspective, I am in pros of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and this essay will discuss the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
tend to be less essential.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
conservative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
learn something more or less in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
However
, the truth is that a high percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
play with their phones in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Usually
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
rooms are quite large and spacious,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
those lecturers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
fail to observe every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
tend to be less efficient or helpful to the students.

However
, nowadays, due to the wide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can have those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
at home or wherever it is convenient to them. In the way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not need to rush to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
rooms in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
advance and
they can have more time for themselves.
Also
, there will not be any problem fighting for the seats in those front rows,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
equal space
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
In comparison
, in those traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bickering or fights for those seats.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
are
especially
conducive to those shy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For example
, for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their questions in the chatting box and lecturers can gather those problems
efficiently
and in the
next
session, they can focus on those areas that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find tricky.
Comparatively
, in those face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
timid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not dare to ask questions.

In conclusion
, thanks to the advancement of the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have better learning conditions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. They can even enjoy more efficient and convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in wherever they like.
Thus
, the necessity of attending these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
has been declining.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay in the future the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment not to shop v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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