Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is sad that life is becoming increasingly stressful for most people. What is the reason of this phenomenon and how could this problem be solved? v.1

It is sad that life is becoming increasingly stressful for most people. What is the reason of this phenomenon and how could this problem be solved? v. 1
Some sociologists believe that in the past people were more relaxed and felt happier than today. Science and technology progress and increase of population have changed our lives tremendously and nowadays, it is obvious that the number of people who feel stressed is continuously growing. Firstly, people are stressed for professional reasons. It is not easy to find a job and almost every work position is very competitive. Thus, from an impressive amount of interviewers employers choose only selected people who are the best in their fields. Often employers use this situation while decrease the salaries or break employees working rights. Secondly, because people work extra hours they spend less time with their families. In this case, there are two unhappy sides, the parents who are stressed and tired after a hard working day and kids, who are deprived of parental attention. In addition, people are stressed because they spend less time on the nature. It is a well-known fact that for the positive mood we need to get some fresh air and sunshine. The situation may get better when governments will protect the rights of employees. The government of Finland, for instance, have decided to decrease the number of official working days from five to four. Thus, people will have more time for healthy sleep, recovering their physical conditions, time for travels and their families. In conclusion, I would like to emphasize that I hope the governments of all countries will start to protect the working rights and look after psychological conditions of their citizens very soon.
Some
sociologists believe that in the past
people
were more relaxed and felt happier than
today
. Science and technology progress and increase of population have
changed
our
lives
tremendously
and nowadays, it is obvious that the number of
people
who
feel
stressed
is
continuously
growing.

Firstly
,
people
are
stressed
for professional reasons. It is not easy to find a job and almost every work position is
very
competitive.
Thus
, from an impressive amount of interviewers employers choose
only
selected
people
who
are the best in their fields.
Often
employers
use
this situation while decrease the salaries or break employees
working
rights.
Secondly
,
because
people
work extra hours they spend less
time
with their families.
In this case
, there are two unhappy sides, the parents
who
are
stressed
and tired after a
hard
working
day and kids,
who
are deprived
of parental attention.
In addition
,
people
are
stressed
because
they spend less
time
on the nature.
It is a well-known fact that
for the
positive
mood we need to
get
some
fresh air and sunshine.

The situation may
get
better when
governments
will protect the rights of employees. The
government
of Finland,
for instance
, have decided to decrease the number of official
working
days from five to four.
Thus
,
people
will have more
time
for healthy sleep, recovering their physical conditions,
time
for travels and their families.

In conclusion
, I would like to emphasize that I hope the
governments
of all countries will
start
to protect the
working
rights and look after psychological conditions of their citizens
very
soon
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is sad that life is becoming increasingly stressful for most people. What is the reason of this phenomenon and how could this problem be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts