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In the future, it may be scientifically possible for people to live for 150 years. This could be good for individuals but it may have negative consequences for society. What are the benefits and risks of people living to 150? v.1

In the future, it may be scientifically possible for people to live for 150 years. This could be good for individuals but it may have negative consequences for society. What are the benefits and risks of people living to 150? v. 1
To live a longer life has been a dream for countless years. With the development of science and technology, it might be possible for people to live for one hundred and fifty years in the near future. However, in my opinion, it may not be beneficial for people to do so. Undoubtedly, there are some major advantages for increased human lifespan. Firstly, people could enjoy longer lives and do more of the things they want, such as trying different lifestyles. They could spend more time with their family and even watch their children grow to old age. In addition, people could contribute more if they lived longer lives, especially scientists and other valuable members of society. For example, if Edison had lived longer, he might have invented more things for us or Mozart might have produced more wonderful music. Nevertheless, there could be many disadvantages if people lived to one hundred and fifty. Firstly, people might be unhealthy in their later years and may be afflicted by painful diseases such as arthritis. Additionally, there may be ethical questions involved. Will everyone be able to live for one hundred and fifty years – or only the citizens of developed countries? Another factor is that an inflated elderly population would cause many problems for society. For example, it would place great strain on the social security system – a situation already developing in countries such as Japan. Finally, the overpopulation of the earth could result in catastrophic damage to the earth’s ecosystem and could lead to ecological disaster. In conclusion, I believe that the disadvantages for people living for one hundred and fifty years far outweigh the advantages. Therefore this development would be a largely negative one for our society.
To
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live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
life has been a dream for countless years. With the development of science and technology, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
for one hundred and fifty years in the near future.
However
, in my opinion, it may not be beneficial for
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people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Undoubtedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major advantages for increased human lifespan.
Firstly
,
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people
could enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and do more of the things they want, such as trying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyles. They could spend more time with their family and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their children grow to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
In addition
,
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people
could contribute more if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
especially
scientists and other valuable members of society.
For example
, if Edison had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have invented more things for us or Mozart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have produced more wonderful music.

Nevertheless
, there could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages if
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
to one hundred and fifty.
Firstly
,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be unhealthy in their later years and may
be afflicted
by painful diseases such as arthritis.
Additionally
, there may be ethical questions involved. Will everyone be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
for one hundred and fifty years
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the citizens of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
? Another factor is that an inflated elderly population would cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems for society.
For example
, it would place great strain on the social security system
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
a situation already developing in countries such as Japan.
Finally
, the overpopulation of the earth could result in catastrophic damage to the earth’s ecosystem and could lead to ecological disaster.

In conclusion
, I believe that the disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living for one hundred and fifty years far outweigh the advantages.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
this development would be a
largely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
one for our society.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In the future, it may be scientifically possible for people to live for 150 years. This could be good for individuals but it may have negative consequences for society. What are the benefits and risks of people living to 150? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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