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In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people in some countries. Is this positive or negative development? v.1

In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people in some countries. Is this positive or negative development? v. 1
The travel industry, as of now, is growing fast, especially in developing countries. The main reason can be that tourism generates a lot of profits and thus, is one of the most important economic sectors. However, in my opinion, this development might indicate some negative aspects of these nations. On the one hand, tourism activities are promoted in developing countries because they offer great economic benefits. As these activities get popular, people from other local towns and countries don't only come to visit but also invest. This will lead to new constructions, new businesses and as a result, more employment opportunities for the local people. More jobs are created and the amount of income tax rises, contributing to the government’s budget, which as a whole can substantially improve the living standards of people and strengthen the country’s economy. For example, in the past two years, Carpentaria Shire in Queensland has seen a rise in household income after tourism activities were promoted and grew popular. On the other hand, despite the economic benefits it brings, the development of tours may act as a detriment to the local environment. The construction of tourism facilities like hotels can drastically change the landscape of one area. Tourism puts enormous stress on local land use, and can lead to soil erosion, increased pollution, natural habitat loss, and more pressure on endangered species. These effects can gradually destroy the environmental resources on which tourism itself depends. For example, Bali is hardly a tropical paradise as it used to be. Due to mass tourism, Kuta Beach has become a nightmare with trash everywhere, inviting rats to feast there day and night. Overall, I believe the financial advantages that tourism offers is undoubtedly the main reason why developing countries are expanding this industry. Nevertheless, without proper maintenance procedures, this development can be troublesome in the long run.
The travel industry, as of
now
, is growing
fast
,
especially
in developing
countries
. The main reason can be that
tourism
generates
a lot of
profits and
thus
, is one of the most
important
economic sectors.
However
, in my opinion, this development might indicate
some
negative
aspects of these nations.

On the one hand,
tourism
activities
are promoted
in developing
countries
because
they offer great economic benefits. As these activities
get
popular,
people
from other
local
towns and
countries
don't
only
come
to visit
but
also
invest. This will lead to new constructions, new businesses and
as a result
, more employment opportunities for the
local
people
. More jobs
are created
and the amount of income tax rises, contributing to the
government
’s budget, which as a whole can
substantially
improve
the living standards of
people
and strengthen the
country’s
economy.
For example
, in the past two years,
Carpentaria
Shire in Queensland has
seen
a rise in household income after
tourism
activities
were promoted
and grew popular.

On the other hand
, despite the economic benefits it brings, the development of tours may act as a detriment to the
local
environment. The construction of
tourism
facilities like hotels can
drastically
change
the landscape of one area.
Tourism
puts enormous
stress
on
local
land
use
, and can lead to soil erosion, increased pollution, natural habitat loss, and more pressure on endangered species. These effects can
gradually
destroy
the environmental resources on which
tourism
itself depends.
For example
, Bali is hardly a tropical paradise as it
used
to be. Due to mass
tourism
,
Kuta
Beach has become a nightmare with trash everywhere, inviting rats to feast there day and night.

Overall
, I believe the financial advantages that
tourism
offers is
undoubtedly
the main reason why developing
countries
are expanding this industry.
Nevertheless
, without proper maintenance procedures, this development can be troublesome in the long run.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people in some countries. Is this positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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