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In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Is this is a positive development or negative development? v.7

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Is this is a positive development or negative development? v. 7
As it is seen nowadays, people prefer to live alone instead of living with their families. In my view, the merits of this phenomena are less as compared to the demerits. On the one hand, living far away from family has few benefits. It may be good for a person who is doing a job. As it is seen that for an employee who is leaving at a significant distance from his/her home due to his/her job. So, for that reason, it may become hard for parents to live in a new area because they are more connected to their old place where they are living. Moreover, it was found that due to escalation in prices of everything around us, it was difficult for a need for an individual to handle a whole family. So, from that perspective, living alone is a good decision. On the other hand, those who are living together have more benefits. The foremost thing is that it is good for children for from all sides because as we know that these days, I did not have proper time for their kids, but if they are living in a big family then they may get good guidance in their studies from other members of the house. Furthermore, children's never feel lonely in their own house, as we can play with other kids in their house rather than going outside. At least, if an individual person, needs financial help then, in that context, they may easily borrow from their family members because no one will stand behind us accept our family ones. In conclusion, although living alone had some advantages, I believe its drawbacks are more significant.
As it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In my view, the merits of
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena are less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the demerits.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
far away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has few benefits. It may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for a person who is doing a job. As it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that for an employee who is leaving at a significant distance from his/her home due to his/her job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, for that reason, it may become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a new area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are more connected to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
place where they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
Moreover
, it
was found
that due to escalation in prices of everything around us, it was difficult for a need for an individual to handle a whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, from that perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
decision.

On the other hand
, those who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
together have more benefits. The foremost thing is that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for children for from all sides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as we know that these days, I did not have proper time for their kids,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
then they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
guidance in their studies from other members of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Furthermore
, children's never feel lonely in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, as we can play with other kids in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rather
than going outside. At least, if an individual person, needs financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
then, in that context, they may
easily
borrow from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one will stand behind us accept our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ones.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, I believe its drawbacks are more significant.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Is this is a positive development or negative development? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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