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In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people in some countries. Is this positive or negative development? v.3

In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people in some countries. Is this positive or negative development? v. 3
Thanks to the technological and scientific advancements, people's lives have become significantly progressed, particularly in improving human health with the most modern applications and effective treatments. It is inevitable that the remarkable increase in life expectancy has been a phenomenon in many countries as well as impacted both positively and negatively on their societies. On the other hand, older people are more experienced and can contribute largely by counselling the young generation. There are some professions like teaching where an experienced teacher can be more benevolent than a young teacher. Again, older people are the witness of the history and they can reveal the past to us more practical than others. Finally, since young members of a family are busy outside and cannot manage time to share with kids, so the older people can be good companions to those kids and can help them to raise in a family environment rather than in a day-care- centre. On the contrary, in some society older people are considered to be burdened, especially in those areas where people suffer from extreme poverty. Older people require more attention and extra care and the touch of relatives. But because of the generation gap and poverty, they are often ignored and that's a horrible experience for them. Moreover, the more people retire, the heavier pension burden the state has to carry, instead of that budget allocated into youth education. In conclusion, the constant proliferation in the ageing population has been obviously creating both benefits and burdens to their societies. Therefore, the government in every country should implement aging-friendly policies and efficient programs so as to mitigate this issue's negative influence and still progress people's standards of living.
Thanks to the technological and scientific advancements,
people
's
lives
have become
significantly
progressed,
particularly
in improving human health with the most modern applications and effective treatments. It is inevitable that the remarkable increase in life expectancy has been a phenomenon in
many
countries
as well
as impacted both
positively
and
negatively
on their societies.

On the other hand
,
older
people
are more experienced and can contribute
largely
by counselling the young generation. There are
some
professions like teaching where an experienced teacher can be more benevolent than a young teacher. Again,
older
people
are the witness of the
history and
they can reveal the past to us more practical than others.
Finally
, since young members of a family are busy outside and cannot manage time to share with kids,
so
the
older
people
can be
good
companions to those kids and can
help
them to raise in a family environment
rather
than in a day-care-
centre
.

On the contrary
, in
some
society
older
people
are considered
to
be burdened
,
especially
in those areas where
people
suffer from extreme poverty.
Older
people
require more attention and extra care and the touch of relatives.
But
because
of the generation gap and poverty, they are
often
ignored
and that's a horrible experience for them.
Moreover
, the more
people
retire, the heavier pension burden the state
has to
carry,
instead
of that budget allocated into youth education.

In conclusion
, the constant proliferation in the
ageing
population has been
obviously
creating both benefits and burdens to their societies.
Therefore
, the
government
in every country should implement aging-friendly policies and efficient programs
so as to
mitigate this issue's
negative
influence and
still
progress
people
's standards of living.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the future, it is expected that there will be a higher proportion of older people in some countries. Is this positive or negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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