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Which one you think has more influence on people- the knowledge gained from experience or the knowledge gained from books. v.1

Which one you think has more influence on people- the knowledge gained from experience or the knowledge gained from books. v. 1
Throughout the human life, people will always be in special circumstances. They should make an important decision like choosing their life partners or a convenient major for their future. Today the books are proper resources of knowledge, which can play a significant role to inform people in almost all fields. However, in my opinion, books cannot be useful for personal stuff as well as personal experience, because of some reasons, which are elucidated below. First of all, although books are a suitable resource and let us know about others' experiences, it cannot be helpful in personal problems. As it has known to everybody, the attitude of one person is totally different from another one. For example, two people in the same situation make two dissimilar decisions. As a result, the experiences which are gathered from books cannot be constructive for people to cope with their troubles. Furthermore, personal experiences are more deeply and penetrate into our subconscious, since we were in the situation and we felt all of the things that happened to us. It is more influential than just reading them in the books. Recently, researchers have depicted that human always learn everything better when they observe them with their eyes or touch them. For instance, the students who had been taught in a laboratory got better marks in their exam than those who had taught verbally. In conclusion, I personally think, the influences of books are superficial. When we go through the problems which we read exactly the same one on the book before, we usually perform our instructions rather than doing what authors said. On the contrary, personal experiences have a profound impact on our decisions which we will make in the future.
Throughout the human life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will always be in special circumstances. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision like choosing their life partners or a convenient major for their future.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are proper resources of knowledge, which can play a significant role to inform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in almost all fields.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
cannot be useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
stuff
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, which
are elucidated
below.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are a suitable resource and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us know about others'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, it cannot be helpful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
problems. As it has known to everybody, the attitude of one person is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from another one.
For example
, two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the same situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
two dissimilar decisions.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
which
are gathered
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
cannot be constructive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to cope with their troubles.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are more
deeply
and penetrate into our subconscious, since we were in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
situation and
we felt
Consider using "all the".
all of the
things that happened to us. It is more influential than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
reading them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Recently, researchers have depicted that human always learn everything better when they observe them with their eyes or touch them.
For instance
, the students who had
been taught
in a laboratory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
better marks in their exam than those who had taught
verbally
.

In conclusion
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the influences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are superficial. When we go through the problems which we read exactly the same one on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, we
usually
perform our instructions
rather
than doing what authors said.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
have a profound impact on our decisions which we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
in the future.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Which one you think has more influence on people- the knowledge gained from experience or the knowledge gained from books. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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