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In terms of government expenses, which one is preferable? Is it better to spend money on new buildings or refund the old projects? v.2

In terms of government expenses, which one is preferable? Is it better to spend money on new buildings or refund the old projects? v. 2
Refund the old projects are not so important as new buildings are. As we all know, one of the most expenses of government in each country is on buildings. Due to the paramount importance of governmental expenses, efforts for elevating its effectiveness have always been among the top priorities of sociologists. In this regard, many people believe that the government should refund the old projects. Contrary to common belief, I believe that spend money on new buildings has numerous beneficial effects. I will delve into two conspicuous reasons to elaborate on my standpoints. The first reason that makes me hold the belief that constructing new building is important is related to authenticity of a city. What makes a city beautiful and up to dated, is urban designing in which constructing building included. A design that transform a big city to a metropolitan one. Undoubtedly, constructions like bridge and sky scrapers not only make beautiful eye sights for a city but also make it looks like a developed city. Take my personal experience as an example. A couple of years ago, I used to travel a lot, I always consider cities that have such elements as an updated and facilitated place, and an epitome of a new era. I often preferred to travel to these destinations. Another equally noteworthy reason to bear in mind is the modern era needs. Without a doubt, we are living in a period that technology have changed everything, jobs as well. To illustrate, these days, career are more complex and traumatic. So, people need to work in a more complicated and developed work place. A place that not only fulfills the job requirements but also provides a good environment for employees. So, it is far rational for government to build buildings that can meet these needs. Although many critics may challenge this idea and debate that the nature of work is the same as what was existed previously, and there is no need to change workplace because new circumstances may cause some confusion, the current trend of new jobs that are created every decades show the increasing need of societies to satisfy this need. Scientifically speaking, employees are much more exposed to stress. The more modern job a person has, the more stress he or she endured. Thus, it show the necessary need of constructing new buildings that care about the new situations. To summarize, contemplating all remarks, we can safely conclude that the favorable effects of new buildings and the current situation of societies make it critical for governments to pay more attention on constructing new ones.
Refund the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
projects are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are. As we all know, one of the most expenses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in each country is on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
. Due to the paramount importance of governmental expenses, efforts for elevating its effectiveness have always been among the top priorities of sociologists. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should refund the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
projects. Contrary to common belief, I believe that spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
has numerous beneficial effects. I will delve into two conspicuous reasons to elaborate on my standpoints.

The
first
reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
me hold the belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is related
to authenticity of a city. What
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and up to dated, is urban designing in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
included. A design that transform a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city to a metropolitan one.
Undoubtedly
, constructions like bridge and sky scrapers not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesights".
eye sights
for a city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it looks like a developed city. Take my personal experience as an example. A couple of years ago, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to travel a lot, I always consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that have such elements as an updated and facilitated place, and an epitome of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
era. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
preferred to travel to these destinations.

Another
equally
noteworthy reason to bear in mind is the modern era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Without a doubt, we are living in a period that technology have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
everything,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as well
. To illustrate, these days, career are more complex and traumatic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to work in a more complicated and developed work place. A place that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fulfills the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provides a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
environment for employees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is far rational for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
critics may challenge this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and debate that the nature of work is the same as what
was existed
previously, and there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
workplace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
circumstances may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
confusion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that
are created
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "decade"?
decades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of societies to satisfy this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
Scientifically
speaking, employees are much more exposed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. The more modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
a person has, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
he or she endured.
Thus
, it
Did you mean "shows"?
show
the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
that care about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
situations.

To summarize
, contemplating all remarks, we can
safely
conclude that the favorable effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation of societies
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "makes"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'make' is not always incorrect.)
make
it critical for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to pay more attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ones.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In terms of government expenses, which one is preferable? Is it better to spend money on new buildings or refund the old projects? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
432 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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