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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.47

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 47
Plenty of people still face the inadequacy of food despite the enhancements of farming techniques. There are various reasons behind this event as well as the possible solutions, which will be given in the essay. To begin with, the lack of food can be caused by numerous factors. The first and most significant one is the augmentation of the world population at a faster rate compared to the ameliorated agricultural technologies, which is the result of the advances made in healthcare and public utility, making people live longer. Consequently, not enough edibles can be supplied to everyone equally, especially the poor because their incomes can’t afford them. With more specificity, as a consequence of the population growth, more environmental resources are needed, hence the producers are competing for them, causing an increase in material cost of products. Not only this but also the low-quality of physical distribution, which is the detrimental effect of the government’s poor management as well as the scarce transportation availability in some regions. Because of this, people living in the countryside may difficultly access to nourishments which might be drawbacks afterward; namely, malnutrition and a rise in mortality rates. In order to solve this problem, there are a variety of effective solutions. One of them is to persuade residents to grow their own vegetables, so they will not have to rely on expensive food from other places, for instance, shopping malls, markets, and neighbourhoods. As a result, there will probably be a reduction in their expenditures. Another plausible way to resolve famine is either the government should ensure that the food is provided to the paupers and rural people for free or at least at a low price or by developing the conveyance of the country, thus people in all areas can fairly obtain the opportunities to get foods. In conclusion, starvation has created a huge negative impact on people in this present era, leading to an excessive amount of deaths in spite of the fact that agriculture has advanced. Therefore, the government, businesses, and people in society should collaborate together to solve this problem immediately.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
face the inadequacy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
despite the enhancements of farming techniques. There are various reasons behind this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
as well
as the possible solutions, which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
be caused
by numerous factors. The
first
and most significant one is the augmentation of the world population at a faster rate compared to the ameliorated agricultural technologies, which is the result of the advances made in healthcare and public utility, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer.
Consequently
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
edibles can
be supplied
to everyone
equally
,
especially
the poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their incomes can’t afford them. With more specificity, as a consequence of the population growth, more environmental resources
are needed
,
hence
the producers are competing for them, causing an increase in material cost of products. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the low-quality of physical distribution, which is the detrimental effect of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s poor management
as well
as the scarce transportation availability in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions.
Because of this
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the countryside may
difficultly
access to
Possible spelling mistake found.
nourishments
which might be drawbacks afterward;
namely
, malnutrition and a rise in mortality rates.

In order to solve this problem, there are a variety of effective solutions. One of them is to persuade residents to grow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vegetables,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rely on expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from other places,
for instance
, shopping malls, markets, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
.
As a result
, there will
probably
be a reduction in their expenditures. Another plausible way to resolve famine is either the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ensure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is provided
to the paupers and rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for free or at least at a low price or by developing the conveyance of the country,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in all areas can
fairly
obtain the opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
foods.

In conclusion
, starvation has created a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this present era, leading to an excessive amount of deaths
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that agriculture has advanced.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, businesses, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society should collaborate together to solve this problem immediately.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 47

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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