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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.43

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 43
In the modern world, even though many enhancements are made in farming, people are starving because they do not have sufficient food to intake. The reasons for being hungry are many and this essay discusses the reasons and also the solution for the problems. Firstly, the climatic change is the main cause that affects agriculture, due to this many farmers are not undertaking farming. They have a fear about rains, strong sunshine, heavy winds which might affect the growth of crops. In addition to this, finance is another main reason in farming, because the loans available for the farmers are of high interests which they fail to pay if harvesting is not done in time. For instance, in India, the occurring of rains is irregular nowadays because of global warming, and this affects the crops during harvesting. Indeed, due to these reasons many countries try to import the foodstuffs from neighbouring places, so automatically the prices tagged to these foods will be costly. The rich people are able to have eatables in a self-contented manner, while the poor people who cannot afford such high prices are starving and dying out of hunger. The measures can be taken only by the government of each state by introducing many schemes like supplying free meals for daily wages labourers and elderly people. Secondly, allocating loans with minimum interest to the farmers and also providing good seeds and required materials at low cost. For example, the ratio shops in each state are providing the foodstuffs like rice, oil, wheat and sugar for free of cost with additional benefits. To sum up, although technology has improved a lot, food is the basic needs for the survival of a human-being. Even though the government is taking many measures to reduce the problems related to foodstuffs, it is the responsibility of the humans to take care of the environment and the food.
In the modern world,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
enhancements
are made
in farming,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are starving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to intake. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for being hungry are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and this essay discusses the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and
also
the solution for the problems.

Firstly
, the climatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is the main cause that affects agriculture, due to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
farmers are not undertaking farming. They have a fear about rains, strong sunshine, heavy winds which might affect the growth of crops.
In addition
to this, finance is another main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
in farming,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the loans available for the farmers are of high interests which they fail to pay if harvesting is not done in time.
For instance
, in India, the occurring of rains is irregular nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of global warming, and this affects the crops during harvesting.
Indeed
, due to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries try to import the foodstuffs from
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
places,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
automatically
the prices tagged to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will be costly. The rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to have eatables in a self-contented manner, while the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot afford such high prices are starving and dying out of hunger.

The measures can
be taken
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of each state by introducing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schemes like supplying free meals for daily wages
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
and elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, allocating loans with minimum interest to the farmers and
also
providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
seeds and required materials at low cost.
For example
, the ratio shops in each state are providing the foodstuffs like rice, oil, wheat and sugar for free of cost with additional benefits.

To sum up, although technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
a lot,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the basic needs for the survival of a human-being.
Even though
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the problems related to foodstuffs, it is the responsibility of the humans to take care of the environment and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 43

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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