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Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information is relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.32

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information is relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 32
Nowadays it is frequently requested to give sensitive data to apply for jobs. Furthermore, companies want to know their applicant's interests, marital status and even their personal favourite activities. There are some that may find it irrelevant and useless, though some others would agree otherwise. In this essay, I will argue how personal information should remain out of the hiring decision. It is becoming increasingly important to match people's profiles to the company's culture. Moreover, human resources staff can easily screen candidates using sophisticated software, the candidate's data start to play an important role in this analysis. In this case, personal information needs to be handled and processed independently from the candidate's skills and job requirements. For instance, a company needs to expand aggressively in very remote areas, it can be more useful to filter out candidates that express little interest in travelling. People will easily agree to provide personal data given the chance to participate in a hiring process. This does not automatically allow companies to make decisions without a proper assessment of the applicant. Take for example someone that is applying for a job as a truck driver, what influence does being married or liking to cook in knowing how to drive? Thus, personal facts about the aspirant do not tell the company, whether to hire the person or not. In conclusion, usually companies request personal information on applications to assess the candidate's fit with the job requirements. In my opinion, personal data must be handled with extreme privacy as well as it should not be part of the final hiring decision, because people should be treated the same regardless of their personal preferences. We are all equal under the protection of democracy and law. Therefore, it should be obligated by law that employers disclose their personal data handling policy to everyone involved in hiring processes.
Nowadays it is
frequently
requested to give sensitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
to apply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
want to know their applicant's interests, marital status and even their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
activities. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that may find it irrelevant and useless, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
otherwise
. In this essay, I will argue how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information should remain out of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
decision.

It is becoming
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to match
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's profiles to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's culture.
Moreover
, human resources staff can
easily
screen candidates using sophisticated software, the candidate's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in this analysis.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information needs to
be handled
and processed
The usual collocation for "independently" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independently of"?
independently from
the candidate's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirements.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
needs to expand
aggressively
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
remote areas, it can be more useful to filter out candidates that express
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
interest in travelling.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
will
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance to participate in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
process. This does not
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions without a proper assessment of the applicant. Take
for example
someone
that is
applying for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as a truck driver, what influence does
being married
or liking to cook in knowing how to drive?
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
facts about the aspirant do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, whether to hire the person or not.

In conclusion
,
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
request
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information on applications to assess the candidate's fit with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirements. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be handled
with extreme privacy
as well
as it should not be part of the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
decision,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be treated
the same regardless of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
preferences. We are all equal under the protection of democracy and law.
Therefore
, it should
be obligated
by law that employers disclose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
handling policy to everyone involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hiring
processes.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information is relevant and useful. Others disagree. v. 32

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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