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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v.35

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 35
In recent decades, agriculture has experienced a lot of advancement, but why on earth, there are still tons of people struggling with hunger? The problem is that agriculture alone cannot cover all needs of humans and advancement in the cultivation does not necessarily provide food for all people around the world. Technological horticulture seems to be undergoing, mostly to serve higher-level nations and upper-class customers such as tourists, festival attendance and so on, rather than poor citizens in distant locations. Even though we target them, farming products are not easily transportable to far regions. We are currently suffering lack of technology in this regard. And even those nations who can afford farming on their own, cannot totally benefit from that. This is mostly due to an unfair system of pricing which usually buys farmer products with fee's generally lower than their finished costs. My family, for example, has this experience several times. Our cherries were bought with a price which barely compensated the irritation and workers' costs let alone summing up to any revenue. Another problem is that in some countries, agriculture is seasonal, and except some periods of the year the farmers have no job to gain money and cover their other needs of life such a shelter, education, and health affairs. To remedy these deficiencies, science and technology should be utilized to find better ways of transportation of food, not only with a higher speed, but also in a lower cost. Farmers should also think how to leverage their skills, even in unsuitable seasons. And more importantly, governments should establish better, fairer, more realistic systems for determining the price of agricultural goods. To summarize, a good collaboration is needed between scientists, policy makers, educational systems, and the people as well, to precisely figure out the reasons beyond this annoying hunger and to find and apply solutions for them, one by one.
In recent decades, agriculture has experienced
a lot of
advancement,
but
why on earth, there are
still
tons of
people
struggling with hunger? The problem is that agriculture alone cannot cover all needs of humans and advancement in the cultivation does not
necessarily
provide food for all
people
around the world.

Technological horticulture seems to be undergoing,
mostly
to serve higher-level nations and upper-
class
customers such as tourists, festival attendance and
so
on,
rather
than poor citizens in distant locations.
Even though
we target them, farming products are not
easily
transportable to far regions. We are
currently
suffering lack of technology in this regard. And even those nations who can afford farming on their
own
, cannot
totally
benefit from that. This is
mostly
due to an unfair system of pricing which
usually
buys
farmer products with fee's
generally
lower than their finished costs. My family,
for example
, has this experience several times. Our cherries were
bought
with a price which
barely
compensated the irritation and workers' costs
let
alone summing up to any revenue. Another problem is that in
some
countries, agriculture is seasonal, and except
some
periods of the year the farmers have no job to gain money and cover their other needs of life such a shelter, education, and health affairs.

To remedy these deficiencies, science and technology should
be utilized
to find better ways of transportation of food, not
only
with a higher speed,
but
also
in a lower cost. Farmers should
also
think
how to leverage their
skills
, even in unsuitable seasons. And more
importantly
,
governments
should establish better, fairer, more realistic systems for determining the price of agricultural
goods
.

To summarize
, a
good
collaboration
is needed
between scientists,
policy makers
, educational systems, and the
people
as well
, to
precisely
figure out the reasons beyond this annoying hunger and to find and apply solutions for them, one by one.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 35

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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