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Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. v.4

Some individuals feel that playing sport is an important element of school life for children while other believe that it is not mandatory and can be kept as an optional subject. This essay will share both arguments with my opinion. Due to the advancement in technology, many children nowadays are hooked to television sets, laptops and smartphones. This leads to inadequate development and increase obesity in many children. Incorporating sport in school academics is one of the best way to deal with this issue. Schools can offer many different sports in school, for example, swimming, baseball, soccer to encourage students to remain fit or to choose a sport as a career option. This not only helps them to remain fit, but also to maintain healthy lifestyle by doing regular exercise and following proper diet. On the other hand, some people feel that students can be given choice to let them select sport over any other academic subject. This can be advantageous to school goers who have restricted physical ability such as handicap students. They would be more inclined towards choosing academic subject over any physical sport. Furthermore, it also help others who have some medical issues like asthama. However, keeping the sport optional may not raise awareness among children on maintaining healthy lifestyle and only encourage the ones to enrol who have sport background. To conclude, playing sport in school has many benefits for children than keeping it as optional. I strongly believe, sport is very important part of school life which helps children to maintain a healthy lifestyle and in turn healthy society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals feel that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
element of
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school
life for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
believe that it is not mandatory and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
as an optional subject. This essay will share both arguments with my opinion.

Due to the advancement in technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays
are hooked
to television sets, laptops and smartphones. This leads to inadequate development and increase obesity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Incorporating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
academics is one of the best way to deal with this issue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
can offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
for example
, swimming, baseball, soccer to encourage students to remain fit or to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a career option. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to remain fit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle by doing regular exercise and following proper diet.

On the
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other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that students can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
over any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
academic subject. This can be advantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
goers who have restricted physical ability such as handicap students. They would be more inclined towards choosing academic subject over any physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Furthermore
, it
also
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “helps”.
help
others who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medical issues like
Possible spelling mistake found.
asthama
.
However
, keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
optional may not raise awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encourage the ones to enrol who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
background.

To conclude
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than keeping it as optional. I
strongly
believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle and in turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
society.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion. You should

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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