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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v.30

With the spread of technology and science in world, many cutting-edge devices and novel approaches are invented by both farmers and the agriculture experts in farming industry. However, a vast proportion of people around the world are suffering from malnutrition and inadequate food, and there are several main reasons for this issue which should be tackled by all governments. Increasing in number of hungry people has various reasons, and if this rising has not been stopped, its future problems and effects would not be controllable. Social injustice plays an indispensable role in aggravating this situation in all countries. The existing natural resources are not expanded equally in the world which result in some countries will be affluent compared with the others. As a consequence, there is not enough financial resources for the countries to develop the infrastructures of farming industry which has direct negative impact on efficiency of their agriculture. In addition, they cannot invest on training experts in this field which not only cannot they improve their farming situation, but also they causes several different pernicious effects. Also, not entering the international society in these situations make it worser. The low salary countries really need the help of international organizations. Governments are the main responsible for alleviating these suffers. Firstly, they should increase their income in order to afford to buy the state-of-the-art devices to make better their farming equipment. Secondly, by inserting the flow of money into the farming industry, they can develop their infrastructures and train highly educated farmers to gain the most efficiency from their resources. Finally, they should adopt proper policies to divide the food in justice between their people. Moreover, the international society can provide some fruitful methods to gather money for the poor countries or which has suffered from weak sanitary so as to decrease the number of hungry people. In conclusion, the prime responsible for this situation is the government and they should take drastic measures to meet the initial needs of their people such as adequate food and safe shelters.
With the spread of technology and science in world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cutting-edge devices and novel approaches
are invented
by both farmers and the agriculture experts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
industry.
However
, a vast proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world are suffering from malnutrition and inadequate food, and there are several main reasons for this issue which should
be tackled
by all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

Increasing in number of hungry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has various reasons, and if this rising has not been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
, its future problems and effects would not be controllable. Social injustice plays an indispensable role in aggravating this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The existing natural resources are not expanded
equally
in the world which result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will be affluent compared with the others. As a consequence, there is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial resources for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to develop the infrastructures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
industry which has direct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on efficiency of their agriculture.
In addition
, they cannot invest on training experts in this field which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cannot they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they causes several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pernicious effects.
Also
, not entering the international society in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it worser. The low salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
really
need the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of international organizations.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
are the main responsible for alleviating these suffers.
Firstly
, they should increase their income in order to afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the state-of-the-art devices to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
equipment.
Secondly
, by inserting the flow of money into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farming
industry, they can develop their infrastructures and train
highly
educated farmers to gain the most efficiency from their resources.
Finally
, they should adopt proper policies to divide the food in justice between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, the international society can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fruitful methods to gather money for the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or which has suffered from weak sanitary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as to decrease the number of hungry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, the prime responsible for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and they should take drastic measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the initial needs of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as adequate food and safe shelters.
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Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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