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Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.8

Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 8
It is believed that spending money on the arts is not very useful and that it should be directed elsewhere. I completely disagree with this and feel that the arts are worth every penny that is spent on them. First of all, the arts are considered a national interest. In some countries, arts have significant importance and government establishes and maintains organizations that preserve the arts. For example, Canada, USA, UK, Australia has art museums all over the country that exhibit ancient arts. People who are interested can visit the museums free of cost. The cost of maintenance is undertaken by the government. Moreover, this increases the level of interest among the people. Thus, the government puts an inconsiderable amount of effort to preserve the arts in the form of museums, craft exhibitions, etcetera. Secondly, the arts are considered to be a great form of entertainment by several people in the country. For instance, movies, exhibitions, crafts are derived from the arts. Movies are considered very lucrative and there is a film industry for every language. Like, Hollywood is in English, Tollywood is for Telugu, Bollywood for Hindi. Exhibitions and crafts display several creations like paintings, clay buildings, paper arts, and glass paintings. Encouragement of arts from government improves the livelihood of thousands of people who base their career in the arts. This proves beneficial both to people who work on arts and others who enjoy art. To conclude, since arts play an important role in the lives of people, it is very important for the government to make sure that the arts are financed properly in a variety of forms like museums, exhibitions, documentary films, craft expos, and so on.
It
is believed
that spending money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful and that it should
be directed
elsewhere. I completely disagree with this and feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are worth every penny that
is spent
on them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are considered
a national interest. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
have significant importance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
establishes and maintains organizations that preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
For example
, Canada, USA, UK, Australia has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
all over the country that exhibit ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are interested
can visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
free of cost. The cost of maintenance is undertaken by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Moreover
, this increases the level of interest among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
puts an inconsiderable amount of effort to preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
exhibitions, etcetera.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are considered
to be a great form of entertainment by several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the country.
For instance
, movies, exhibitions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crafts
are derived
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. Movies
are considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lucrative and there is a film industry for every language. Like, Hollywood is in English,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tollywood
is for Telugu, Bollywood for Hindi. Exhibitions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crafts
display several creations like paintings, clay buildings, paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, and glass paintings.

Encouragement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the livelihood of thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
base their career in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. This proves beneficial both to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
enjoy art.

To conclude
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are financed
properly
in a variety of forms like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, exhibitions, documentary films,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
expos, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be spent elsewhere. v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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