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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.26

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 26
The World today is facing with many problems that threatens human race and other species. Specifically, hunger is one of the most important issues that causes many people’s death every day. Even though humans have found to improve the ways of agriculture, it did not help to procure a solution for hunger of humanity. This essay will argue some reasons and some solutions for the mentioned problem. To begin with, the major cause of the high rates of poorness is capitalism. To illustrate, recent reports showed that only 10% of the world’s population has the equal amount of income with the rest of the world. This data clearly shows that even the advancements in agriculture is not a way to overcome the inequality of people in terms of the money they receive. If governments do not focus on the equality of humanity, people will not be able to buy food or farm in their lands. On the other hand, governments may take some action such as encouraging farming by lowering the costs on necessary materials for agriculture. For example, here in Turkey, the government has decreased the percentage of taxes on trucks for farmers only. By doing this, policy-makers have intended to increase the production of local food products and so that, people would buy it for more affordable prices. Therefore, governments, specifically those in developing countries, ought to take some steps to increase their citizens’ wealth. In summary, only agriculture is not enough to preserve hunger and so, people’s wealth. There must be further and permanent solutions to reach better and fast results. Even if it is too late to avoid from capitalism, governments may look at the strategies that have been successful in developed countries such as the Netherlands, Germany and so on.
The World
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is facing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems that threatens human race and other species.
Specifically
, hunger is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues that causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
death every day.
Even though
humans have found to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
, it did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to procure a solution for hunger of humanity. This essay will argue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions for the mentioned problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major cause of the high rates of poorness is capitalism. To illustrate, recent reports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% of the world’s population has the equal amount of income with the rest of the world. This data
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that even the advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
is not a way to overcome the inequality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in terms of the money they receive. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
do not focus on the equality of humanity,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food or farm in their lands.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
may take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
action such as encouraging farming by lowering the costs on necessary materials for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
.
For example
, here in Turkey, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has decreased the percentage of taxes on trucks for farmers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. By doing this, policy-makers have intended to increase the production of local food products and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it for more affordable prices.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
,
specifically
those in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, ought to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps to increase their citizens’ wealth.

In summary,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to preserve hunger and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
wealth. There
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Did you mean "furthered"?
further
and permanent solutions to reach better and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
results. Even if it is too late to avoid from capitalism,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
may look at the strategies that have been successful in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as the Netherlands, Germany and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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