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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v.15

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 15
According to statistics, nowadays about 7. 5 billion humans live in the world. Some people argue that although, agriculture have been developed, many people fight with starving. In my opinion the cause of this problem is density of people and infrastructure. The solution can be increased harvest rate and building farmlands near to the cities. Regarding to the density of some counties such as Chine or India, the population of this king of countries needs a great number of food supply. The more people the more demand to nutritious. In this case I think farmers should increase the volume of harvest. Furthermore, they might offer the diverse type of grocery foods to residents. Also, an increase in the amount of harvest can improve the capability of government to export them. The income can be spent in agriculture kin order to next development. Moreover, the second significant reason in deficit of food is transport infrastructure. While nourishments travel from farmland to stores, the food mile influences in cost, also the quality of food, simultaneously, making food more costly. In that case, the government should be agreed in constructing layouts of farmland near to the cities. While the distance between supplier and receiver close to each other it reduces the price of food, and even poor people can afford themselves to buy them. Also, if delivers use hybrid cars, this not only save spending to transportation, but also makes positive effect on the environment. To sum up, while the world suffers from starving, I think the cause of this situation is transport system and the density of inhabitants. The solution can be an increase in yield and a relocation farmlands.
According to statistics, nowadays about 7. 5 billion humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that although, agriculture have
been developed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fight with starving. In my opinion the cause of this problem is density of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and infrastructure. The solution can
be increased
harvest rate and building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmlands
near to the cities.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the density of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
counties such as Chine or India, the population of this king of countries needs a great number of
Did you mean "foods"?
food
supply. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the more demand to nutritious.
In this case
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
farmers should increase the volume of harvest.
Furthermore
, they might offer the diverse type of grocery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to residents.
Also
, an increase in the amount of harvest can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the capability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to export them. The income can
be spent
in agriculture kin order to
next
development.

Moreover
, the second significant reason in deficit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is transport infrastructure. While
Possible spelling mistake found.
nourishments
travel from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmland
to stores, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
mile influences in cost,
also
the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
simultaneously
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more costly.
In that case
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
in constructing layouts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmland
near to the cities. While the distance between supplier and receiver close to each other it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and even poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
Also
, if delivers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
hybrid cars, this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
save spending to transportation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the environment.

To sum up, while the world suffers from starving, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the cause of this situation is transport system and the density of inhabitants. The solution can be an increase in yield and a relocation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmlands
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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