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In some area of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v.5

In some area of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 5
So here we will be talking like going out of young one's are not allowed due to government restrictions in any of the areas of the United States after a certain time of the day and if they want to go out they have to take someone who is adult to go with them. Okay, so I will be talking about what my views are, I basically agree with the above because nowadays it's not like those golden old days, nowadays we need to be very careful with our surroundings, because things have changed rapidly now and it's not usually safe to go out specially in nights and in some areas, even for adults because of some reasons like robbery, ambush and other reasons which might have a bad impact on children, because they are in a learning phase and every bad event will have a significant impression on their brains. Because now there is a lot of poverty and competition going on, like lots of people don't have jobs now a days and especially the night time as it is very easy for an attacker or some invaders to attack and snatch things, especially from young one's because of apparent reasons like they are very easy targets because of their innocence and strength. I would certainly like to add some examples out here like lets think from a thief point of view lets say he is waiting for his prey and certainly he sees some young one's are coming their way and they have some gadgets carry along with them like "Smart Phones", "Watches" etc. So it will be very easy for someone like those thief's so attack these young persons and get what they are looking for, in comparison with a group of people or even if this same young one is coming with their parent or guardian. And also don't forget the fact that it also makes strength double because two persons are always better than one. And also takes other example like we know in the young age, it's quite difficult to comprehend the difference between what is right or wrong and specially in the night time there are many things which are prone for children or young one's and specially if group of young one's are going out in night without someone accompany who is sensible to know the difference, it's very easy for these young one's to go for wrong ways which might prove to be very costly for their future and a small mistake might prove lethal in this case.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
here we will be talking like going out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
one's
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
restrictions in any of the areas of the United States after a certain time of the day and if they want to go out they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take someone who is adult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
them.

Okay,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I will be talking about what my views are, I
basically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
not like those golden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days, nowadays we need to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful with our surroundings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
things have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
rapidly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
not
usually
safe to go out
specially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nights
and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas, even for adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons like robbery, ambush and other reasons which might have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are in a learning phase and every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
will have a significant impression on their brains.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
poverty and competition going on, like lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don't have jobs
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
and
especially
the
This word is normally spelled as one.
night time
as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
for an attacker or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
invaders to attack and snatch things,
especially
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
one's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of apparent reasons like they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
targets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their innocence and strength.

I would
certainly
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples out here like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
from a thief point of view
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
say he is waiting for his prey and
certainly
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'one'.
one's
are coming their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
way and
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gadgets carry along with them like
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Smart Phones
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Watches
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
for someone like
Did you mean "this thief" or "those thieves"?
those thief
's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
attack these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
persons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they are looking for,
in comparison
with a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or even if this same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
one is coming with their parent or guardian. And
also
don't forget the fact that it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
strength double
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
two persons are always better than one. And
also
takes other example like we know in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
quite difficult to comprehend the difference between what is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and
specially
in the
This word is normally spelled as one.
night time
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things which are prone for children or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
one's and
specially
if group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
one's
are going out in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
without someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "accompanies", "accompanied".
accompany
who is sensible to know the difference,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'one'.
one's
to go for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
ways which might prove to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly for their future and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
mistake might prove lethal
in this case
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In some area of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 5

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
427 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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