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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.10

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 10
It is true that despite the technological improvement in the agricultural sector, many around the globe still experience hunger. There are several reasons for these such as, poor transport system and lack of technical knowledge; however, the authority can take certain steps to tackle these problems. The key reason why many around the world are starving is an inadequate transportation system in many countries. The challenges of poor road networks and inadequate means of transport makes the crops makes it difficult for farm produce to arrive at the market early and in good condition. In addition, transporting of commodities using a wrong storage means waste as the majority of the farm produce will get bad before its arrival to the market. For instance, in Nigeria, the National Union of Farmers carried out a survey in 2017, which revealed that 80% of food wastage occurred due to use of inappropriate means of transporting food items to the city centres. Furthermore, the insufficient technical expertise to operate farm equipment also result in global hunger. In other words, majority of machinery used by farmer are operated below its capacity because farmer lack the knowledge to optimize them. There are various ways the government can intervene to curb these problems. Firstly, by improving the means of conveying foodstuff to the market. For instance, in 2017 the Lagos state government provided 200 cooling van to butchers to ensure meat processed from various abattoir arrive at their selling point fresh. This curbed the wastage in meat and meat produce sector within the state. Secondly, organisation of sensitization programme to educate farmers on the basic use of all farm machinery. These will ensure that all farm equipment are been optimized to its full potential and guaranty a bountiful harvest. In conclusion, globally hunger is still occurring despite technological advancement in agriculture for various reasons. However, government can solve these issues by providing appropriate means of conveying goods and organising enlightenment programs to farmers.
It is true that despite the technological improvement in the agricultural sector,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
around the globe
still
experience hunger. There are several reasons for these such as, poor transport system and lack of technical knowledge;
however
, the authority can take certain steps to tackle these problems.

The key reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
around the world are starving is an inadequate transportation system in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. The challenges of poor road networks and inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of transport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the crops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
produce to arrive at the market early and in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition.
In addition
, transporting of commodities using a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
storage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
waste as the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
produce will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
its
The usual preposition for "the market" is "in" not "to." Try it like this: "arrival in the market".
arrival to the market
.
For instance
, in Nigeria, the National Union of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Farmers
carried out a survey in 2017, which revealed that 80% of food wastage occurred due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of transporting food items to the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
Furthermore
, the insufficient technical expertise to operate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
equipment
also
result in global hunger.
In other words
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
machinery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmer
are operated
below its capacity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmer
lack the knowledge to optimize them.

There are various ways the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can intervene to curb these problems.
Firstly
, by improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of conveying foodstuff to the market.
For instance
, in 2017 the Lagos state
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provided 200 cooling
Possible agreement error. The noun 'van' seems to be countable, so consider using: "vans".
van
to butchers to ensure meat processed from various abattoir arrive at their selling point fresh. This curbed the wastage in meat and meat produce sector within the state.
Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
of sensitization
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
on the basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
machinery. These will ensure that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farm
equipment
are been
optimized to its full potential and guaranty a bountiful harvest.

In conclusion
, globally hunger is
still
occurring despite technological advancement in agriculture for various reasons.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can solve these issues by providing appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of conveying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
enlightenment programs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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