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In spite of the advanced made in agriculture, many people of the world still go hunger. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v.1

In spite of the advanced made in agriculture, many people of the world still go hunger. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
It is irrefutable that the evolution of technology makes the drastic changes in the field of cultivation. From these undoubtedly developments, we are now self-sufficient in food, yet many inhabitants of this universe now unable to fulfil their food crisis, for the reasons of their climate changes, population growth, non-technological equipment and so on. This essay will delve into these aspects with relevant examples, besides these, it will be discuss the possible ways to solve this occurrence. Primarily, the most important cause for food-shortage is the population problems of some parts of the world. This density is a very high in some parts of the world. Because of this overpopulation, they need more land to build houses and that is why, the government could not arranged lands to cultivate crops. Secondly, lack of research and education about the agricultural system and technical tools many people of underdeveloped countries have to face starvation. Neither they have learned the advanced technology from developed countries, nor do they have enough financial support to conduct research in agronomy, which cause the remaining low reap. Finally, temperature changes and geographical difference have fallen many countries in danger. For instance, adequate rain, clean water, nourished soil and sunshine are the major requirements of growing seeds, but they are barely exists in some countries of Africa and some desert countries of the Middle East. On the other hand, some natural disasters like over flooding, cyclone, stormy wind, and typhoon can wash away the crops-lands, even though the country has a rich harvest of crops. There are many remedies can be implemented to overcome this trend. Firstly, many developed countries can aid the poor countries by sharing their technology knowledge and can help financially to support their research, so that they can make a solution to their own. Consequently, many desert countries can invent alternative super-seeds to stand against the undesirable natural condition. At the end, it is necessary to tackle the environmental disasters immediately; otherwise, it will affect the whole world in a negative way. To conclude, it is true that many people of the earth are suffering from sufficient foods, even though the progress of agriculture achieved its higher level of harvesting. This can be controlled by providing proper financial aids and knowledge of farming for the people who need it the most.
It is irrefutable that the evolution of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the field of cultivation. From these
undoubtedly
developments, we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
self-sufficient in food,
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inhabitants of this universe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
unable to fulfil their food crisis, for the reasons of their climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, population growth, non-technological equipment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This essay will delve into these aspects with relevant examples,
besides
these, it will be
Consider using the past participle "discussed"?
discuss
the possible ways to solve this occurrence.

Primarily
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause for food-shortage is the population problems of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world. This density is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the world.
Because of this
overpopulation, they need more land to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and
that is
why, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could not
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "arrange"
arranged
lands to cultivate crops.
Secondly
, lack of research and education about the agricultural system and technical tools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face starvation. Neither they have learned the advanced technology from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, nor do they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
financial support to conduct research in agronomy, which cause the remaining low reap.
Finally
, temperature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and geographical difference have fallen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
For instance
, adequate rain, clean water, nourished soil and sunshine are the major requirements of growing seeds,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
barely
exists in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of Africa and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
desert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the Middle East.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
natural disasters like over flooding, cyclone, stormy wind, and typhoon can wash away the crops-lands,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a rich harvest of crops.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
remedies can
be implemented
to overcome this trend.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can aid the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by sharing their technology knowledge and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
financially
to support their research,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a solution to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
desert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can invent alternative super-seeds to stand against the undesirable natural condition. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it is necessary to tackle the environmental disasters immediately;
otherwise
, it will affect the whole world in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.

To conclude
, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the earth are suffering from sufficient foods,
even though
the progress of agriculture achieved its higher level of harvesting. This can
be controlled
by providing proper financial aids and knowledge of farming for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who need it the most.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay In spite of the advanced made in agriculture, many people of the world still go hunger. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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