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Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think there is a better way to spend it. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think there is a better way to spend it. v. 1
Whether or not to spend money on the artificial beauty products has become a controversial issue. While some people argue that expenditure on certain things, such as clothes, haircuts, and many more is justified, others opine that there are alternative methods to it as well. This essay intends to delve into both sides of the argument in depth. However, I believe that spending excessive money on the enhancement of looks is inappropriate. The advocates of the statement claim that an appropriate way of utilising the cash is on personality development. Since in the contemporary world, it is a common phenomenon of judging an individual and society have perception that someone who have appealing looks, attracts others, therefore they form a strong view of the argument. For instance, in most of the multinational companies, employers recruit employees such as receptionists on the basis of their charming features. Henceforth certain part of the society feels that expenditure on synthetic materials is significant. On the opposite side, the opponents of the argument have a general belief that extravagant expenditure on looks is unreasonable despite its usefulness. First of all, it can be invested in setting up of a business and the success ultimately helps in bringing up name and fame to the person. For example, if a person has plenty of wealth, instead of utilising it for purchasing clothes, it will be good to use it for building a stable future. Although I certainly agree that the personality of an individual is a vital part of everyone's life, others factors cannot be neglected. To conclude, undeniably, local community is divided on the concept of proper utilisation of money. Some consider that it is an excellent approach to make investment on beautification, whereas I firmly believe that alternative approaches have their advantages from career prospective.
Whether or not
to spend money on the artificial beauty products has become a controversial issue. While
some
people
argue that expenditure on certain things, such as clothes, haircuts, and
many
more
is justified
, others opine that there are alternative methods to it
as well
. This essay intends to delve into both sides of the argument in depth.
However
, I believe that spending excessive money on the enhancement of looks is inappropriate.

The advocates of the statement claim that an appropriate way of
utilising
the cash is on personality development. Since in the contemporary world, it is a common phenomenon of judging an individual and society have perception that someone who have appealing looks, attracts others,
therefore
they form a strong view of the argument.
For instance
, in most of the multinational
companies
, employers recruit employees such as receptionists on the basis of their charming features.
Henceforth
certain part of the society feels that expenditure on synthetic materials is significant.

On the opposite side, the opponents of the argument have a general belief that extravagant expenditure on looks is unreasonable despite its usefulness.
First of all
, it can
be invested
in setting up of a business and the success
ultimately
helps
in bringing up name and fame to the person.
For example
, if a person has
plenty
of wealth,
instead
of
utilising
it for purchasing clothes, it will be
good
to
use
it for building a stable future. Although I
certainly
agree
that the personality of an individual is a vital part of everyone's life, others factors cannot
be neglected
.

To conclude
,
undeniably
, local community
is divided
on the concept of proper
utilisation
of money.
Some
consider that it is an excellent approach to
make
investment on beautification, whereas I
firmly
believe that alternative approaches have their advantages from career prospective.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think there is a better way to spend it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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