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As a result of growth in some urban centres, the environment in those cities is deteriorating. How could this issue be tackled by both the government and individuals? v.1

As a result of growth in some urban centres, the environment in those cities is deteriorating. How could this issue be tackled by both the government and individuals? v. 1
Environmental damage has become a serious issue for the whole world. Many people present the view that as every person gets impacted by it, and thus, the government should tackle this. However, some believe that individuals should take up this responsibility. To commence with, the government needs to deal with the issue of environment because only it can establish the plants for the renewable and clean energy sources. These plants will help in reducing the consumption of fossil fuels, which release harmful gases as by-products, when used. For example, the ministry of Gujrat, India, have planted multiple windmills for production of electricity, which reduces the use of fuels such as coal. This initiative has decreased the rate of degradation of the environment there. Furthermore, the administration needs to encourage and spread awareness among people, about the use of such energy sources. On the other hand, people must own up the responsibility of taking measures, because they are the actual entities who can take actions. It is the people who must abide by the laws for the protection of the habitat. For instance, every nation in this world has the law of keeping a check on the emissions from the vehicles. But, if the individual does not act accordingly, then it is harming the habitat. Moreover, small contributions from the individuals such as: using the reusable cloth bags instead of plastic bags etc. , can prove to be very helpful. To conclude, both the administration and individuals need to tackle this problem together. The government must make laws and provide with the equipment to protect the environment, and people must abide by these laws and try to use cleaner energy.
Environmental damage has become a serious issue for the whole world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
present the view that as every person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
impacted by it, and
thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should tackle this.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should take up this responsibility.

To commence with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to deal with the issue of environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it can establish the plants for the renewable and clean energy sources. These plants will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing the consumption of fossil fuels, which release harmful gases as by-products, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
For example
, the ministry of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gujrat
, India, have planted multiple windmills for production of electricity, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fuels such as coal. This initiative has decreased the rate of degradation of the environment there.
Furthermore
, the administration needs to encourage and spread awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such energy sources.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
up the responsibility of taking measures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the actual entities who can take actions. It is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
abide by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
for the protection of the habitat.
For instance
, every nation in this world has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
of keeping a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the emissions from the vehicles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
does not act
accordingly
, then it is harming the habitat.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
contributions from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
such as: using the reusable cloth bags
instead
of plastic bags etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
can prove to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful.

To conclude
, both the administration and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
need to tackle this problem together. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and provide with the equipment to protect the environment, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
abide by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cleaner energy.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay As a result of growth in some urban centres, the environment in those cities is deteriorating. How could this issue be tackled by both the government and individuals? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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