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In spite of the advance made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.1

In spite of the advance made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
When young people are choosing what subject to study at an institution, most of them hope they will find a great job upon completion of graduation, in reality, most fresh graduates fail to find work in their field and some are even forced to take up below graduate level jobs. In my point of view, the root of this problem lies with the outdated higher education system that should be modernised. Traditional university learning’s do not prepare students for the first job for a number of reasons, one of them is that many programmes are too theoretical it means that highly educated students’ lack of simple skills required for employment, for example, the knowledge of an IT software employer prefer candidate with hand-on experience. Another reason is that universities offer too many courses in popular field such as business and law, and do not recruit enough student to engineering and science programmes. As a result, the UK labour market has an oversupply of law graduates and a deficit of engineers. A reform of higher education could reduce many of the problems, but would require joint effort from study centre and government. If organizations work closely with employers, they could teach students practical skills that companies look for. Meanwhile, the government could develop guidelines on how many students’ universities should recruit in each subject in accordance with the market demand. In conclusion, a likely reason why many graduates cannot find a job in their field is because those colleges might not have provided them with the right skill set or in-demand profession. I think that the universities and the government could improve the situation by updating the content of the programmes and limiting the number of students in each subject in line with the market demand.
When young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are choosing what subject to study at an institution, most of them hope they will find a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
upon completion of graduation, in reality, most fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
fail to find work in their field and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are even forced to take up below
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. In my point of view, the root of this problem lies with the outdated higher education system that should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
.

Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
learning’s do not prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for a number of reasons, one of them is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are too theoretical it means that
highly
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
lack of simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required for employment,
for example
, the knowledge of an IT software employer prefer candidate with hand-on experience. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
offer too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
courses in popular field such as business and law, and do not recruit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to engineering and science
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
As a result
, the UK
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market has an
oversupply
of law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
and a deficit of engineers.

A reform of higher education could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would require joint effort from study
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. If organizations work
closely
with employers, they could teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
look for. Meanwhile, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could develop guidelines on how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should recruit in each subject in accordance with the market demand.

In conclusion
, a likely reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
cannot find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in their field is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those colleges might not have provided them with the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set or in-demand profession. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation by updating the content of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and limiting the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in each subject in line with the market demand.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In spite of the advance made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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