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In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problems? v.3

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problems? v. 3
Some people hold, it is vital that children who come from different social backgrounds and with diverse abilities should be taught with each other. I do not completely agree with this statement, while it has positive sides, there can be discrimination between teenagers. Studying with students who have a great deal of ability can be useful in many cases. Firstly, these pupils can learn sharing. The best students learn share his knowledge with other students. In addition, they can be as an example for other children, motivating them to improve abilities. Next, they can exchange with their experiences and way of learning new subjects, communicating with those pupils who have difficulties with the curriculum. Finally, it can be the best chance to understand what means friendship by exchanging pleasantries during the study. Studying with those who have a different social background have a positive effect to change pupil’s behaviour. Clearly, no every child has a courageous personality and there can be a student who shy when they with the group. When they interact with each other, for instance, they influence by others behaviour, becoming more social and easy-going. On the other hand, there might be a social issue. Those who have a different social background might tend to discriminate each other. This situation influence on child with weak abilities, becoming a victim in a particular situation. However, teacher can take control in this situation. To sum up, it can be beneficial to study with children who has distinct abilities and social backgrounds. While social background might cause a problem, class heads can take responsibility.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold, it is vital that children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
and with diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
should
be taught
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. I do not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, while it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides, there can be discrimination between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

Studying with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
can be useful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases.
Firstly
, these pupils can learn sharing. The best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn share his knowledge with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
In addition
, they can be as an example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
children, motivating them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
.
Next
, they can exchange with their experiences and way of learning new subjects, communicating with those pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have difficulties with the curriculum.
Finally
, it can be the best chance to understand what means friendship by exchanging pleasantries during the study.

Studying with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
pupil’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Clearly
,
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
every child has a courageous personality and there can be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
shy when they with the group. When they interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
for instance
, they influence by
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "others'" or "other's"?
others
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, becoming more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and easy-going. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there might be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issue. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
might tend to discriminate each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. This situation influence on child with weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
, becoming a victim in a particular situation.
However
, teacher can take control in this situation.

To sum up, it can be beneficial to study with children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
has
distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abilities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
might cause a problem,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
heads can take responsibility.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problems? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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