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In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problems? v.4

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problems? v. 4
The society in which people live has undergone a tremendous change in terms of the technology, medication, and environment or so. It is often argued that many people around the globe still suffer from famine, although the massive improvement of agriculture. In my view, there are couple of reasons and the solution to it, which would be elaborated on in the following paragraphs. The reason for people still afflicted with food shortages is attributed to the overpopulation of the world. Since the improvement of industry and the significant increase in terms of living quality, population grows rapidly over the recent years. Thus, the excessive amount of people incurs overwhelming burden for the human. For instance, food provision is insufficient to be allocated to every individual. Another example could be seen in Africa where over twenty percent of the entire population suffer from famine. To remedy this dire situation, it is imperative for government to regulate the number of the children. In this way, it may curb the overgrowing population. In addition to the reason as argued above, the rise in the cost of living is another source of problem. Recently, the average expenditure to maintain the livelihood has augmented tremendously. Take Taiwan for example, people used to spend sixty to seventy dollars for a meal in the previous period. However, it costs ninety to a hundred and twenty to purchase the same item nowadays, which is nearly 1. 5 to two times of the previous expense. Hence, the soaring price of living renders numerous people who are financially insufficient unaffordable. Approach to this problem could be addressed by the subsidies from the government such as the housing, public transport, and the education. All in all, as I argued above, it is surely irreversible that the world experiences serious shortages in terms of food. However, there are certain measures for human to implement to at least mitigate the issue. Hence, it is vital for every individual to take collective effort to protect the grave consequence from worsening.
The society in which
people
live
has undergone a tremendous
change
in terms of the technology, medication, and environment or
so
. It is
often
argued that
many
people
around the globe
still
suffer from famine, although the massive improvement of agriculture. In my view, there are
couple of
reasons and the solution to it, which would
be elaborated
on in the following paragraphs.

The reason for
people
still
afflicted with food shortages
is attributed
to the overpopulation of the world. Since the improvement of industry and the significant increase in terms of living quality, population grows
rapidly
over the recent years.
Thus
, the excessive amount of
people
incurs overwhelming burden for the human.
For instance
, food provision is insufficient to
be allocated
to every individual. Another example could be
seen
in Africa where over twenty percent of the entire population suffer from famine. To remedy this dire situation, it is imperative for
government
to regulate the number of the children. In this way, it may curb the overgrowing population.

In addition
to the reason as argued above, the rise in the cost of living is another source of problem. Recently, the average expenditure to maintain the livelihood has augmented
tremendously
. Take Taiwan
for example
,
people
used
to spend sixty to seventy dollars for a meal in the previous period.
However
, it costs ninety to a hundred and twenty to
purchase
the same item nowadays, which is
nearly
1. 5 to two times of the previous expense.
Hence
, the soaring price of living renders numerous
people
who are
financially
insufficient unaffordable. Approach to this problem could
be addressed
by the subsidies from the
government
such as the housing, public transport, and the education.

All in all, as I argued above, it is
surely
irreversible that the world experiences serious shortages in terms of food.
However
, there are certain measures for human to implement to at least mitigate the issue.
Hence
, it is vital for every individual to take collective effort to protect the grave
consequence from
worsening.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problems? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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