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In spit of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.1

In spit of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
We live in a time, where more food is being produced in the world than it has ever been. Improving technology and better understanding of nature has made it possible to cultivate and harvest with much higher productivity. So, why is it that people still go hungry around the world? And what can be done to prevent this? One of the main reasons for this is reliance on imported food and the best way to manage this is to become self-sufficient. Although the world is producing more food, most of it is produced in a handful of countries. Most of the other countries import food products from such nations, either because they cannot meet their requirements or they do not have suitable environment for its growth. Furthermore, it is not cheap to import food products, so only a wealthy country can do it. So in cases of economic turmoil or decreased production, these dependent nations can face food shortages. Take the example of North Korea. Because it relies on imported food, in cases of tough embargos, it becomes short of food. To put it simply, a country can never be food secure, unless it starts production of its own food. The management of this problem is not easy but there are various way that can help. Producing your own food, until you become self-sufficient is an important step. This may seem like an easy idea in theory but actually achieving this is a herculean task. It requires good governance, proper management and thinking way ahead in to the future. China is a great example of this, as they utilized their indigenous skills to grow native crops and achieved self-sufficiency. It’s currently one of the most food secure nations on earth. Therefore, self-reliance is the key to managing food insecurity. In conclusion, importing food from other places is risky and important cause of food shortages, whereas self-reliance is a great way to tackle this difficult situation.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a time, where more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
being produced
in the world than it has ever been. Improving technology and better understanding of nature has made it possible to cultivate and harvest with much higher productivity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, why is it that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
go hungry around the world? And what can
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this? One of the main reasons for this is reliance on imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and the best way to manage this is to become self-sufficient.

Although the world is producing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, most of it
is produced
in a handful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Most of the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
import
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products from such nations, either
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their requirements or they do not have suitable environment for its growth.
Furthermore
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
to import
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can do it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in cases of economic turmoil or decreased production, these dependent nations can face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shortages. Take the example of North Korea.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it relies on imported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, in cases of tough
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "embargoes", the plural form of the noun 'embargo'?
embargos
, it becomes short of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. To put it
simply
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can never be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
secure, unless it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
production of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
food.

The management of this problem is not easy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
Please check whether an article is missing: "a various".
various
way that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. Producing your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, until you become self-sufficient is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
step. This may seem like an easy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
in theory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
actually achieving this is a
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some adjectives that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Herculean".
herculean
task. It requires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
governance, proper management and thinking way ahead in to the future. China is a great example of this, as they utilized their indigenous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to grow native crops and achieved self-sufficiency. It’s
currently
one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
secure nations on earth.
Therefore
, self-reliance is the key to managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
insecurity.

In conclusion
, importing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from other places is risky and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shortages, whereas self-reliance is a great way to tackle this difficult situation.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In spit of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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