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As child obesity becomes a serious health issue in today’s society, some people feel that TV commercials advertising junk food aimed at kids should not be shown in children’s viewing times v.1

As child obesity becomes a serious health issue in today’s society, some people feel that TV commercials advertising junk food aimed at kids should not be shown in children’s viewing times v. 1
In recent times, obesity among children has become a major health concern in many countries around the world. In response, it has been argued that commercials promoting unhealthy food should not be aired during times when children are likely to be watching television. Although such limitations on advertising seem harsh, I am of the opinion that these rules are appropriate. Limiting junk food advertisements to late night programming does have some concerns. First of all, introducing such rules suggests that people cannot be trusted to take personal responsibility. It assumes that parents can be coerced into buying unhealthy foods for their children by simple commercials, which could be considered patronizing. Furthermore, some could argue that these laws would be just another unnecessary intervention of government. It must be acknowledged that government involvement is not the answer to every problem within society. However, there are a number of reasons why these laws are indeed necessary. Firstly, television advertisements have proven effective in misguiding people’s decision-making. Commercials often promote unhealthy foods in the context of fun or happiness, when in reality, obesity is more likely to lead to depression and sickness. In relation to personal responsibility, it has been shown that people are incapable of being responsible on this subject. Thus, it is government’s responsibility to take action where many parents have failed, and these rules would likely be an effective measure. In conclusion, while restricting junk food commercials to late night programming does seem strict, I believe that taking this action is a necessary step in fighting the childhood obesity epidemic.
In recent times, obesity among children has become a major health concern in
many
countries around the world. In response, it has
been argued
that commercials promoting unhealthy
food
should not
be aired
during times when children are likely to be watching television. Although such limitations on advertising seem harsh, I am of the opinion that these
rules
are appropriate.

Limiting junk
food
advertisements to late night programming does have
some
concerns.
First of all
, introducing such
rules
suggests that
people
cannot
be trusted
to take personal responsibility. It assumes that parents can
be coerced
into buying unhealthy
foods
for their children by simple commercials, which could
be considered
patronizing.
Furthermore
,
some
could argue that these laws would be
just
another unnecessary intervention of
government
. It
must
be acknowledged
that
government
involvement is not the answer to every problem within society.

However
, there are a number of reasons why these laws are
indeed
necessary.
Firstly
, television advertisements have proven effective in misguiding
people
’s decision-making. Commercials
often
promote unhealthy
foods
in the context of fun or happiness, when in reality, obesity is more likely to lead to depression and sickness. In relation to personal responsibility, it has
been shown
that
people
are incapable of being responsible on this subject.
Thus
, it is
government
’s responsibility to take action where
many
parents have failed, and these
rules
would likely be an effective measure.

In conclusion
, while restricting junk
food
commercials to late night programming does seem strict, I believe that taking this action is a necessary step in fighting the childhood obesity epidemic.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay As child obesity becomes a serious health issue in today’s society, some people feel that TV commercials advertising junk food aimed at kids should not be shown in children’s viewing times v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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