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In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v.8

In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v. 8
In some educational institutions girls opted for art and craft studies while boys want to take science stream. In my opinion, there is a plethora of reasons for this phenomenon. In the current situation this trend should be changed because of gender equality and women empowerment. To begin with, girls have more artistic characteristics, however boys want to solve more logical puzzles. In other words, girls have inborn talent and interpersonal skill which is important in art subject. Moreover, in science subject the expenditure of study is high. To be more specific, in India many people believe that girls will go in their husband's home so they consider as an expense while for boys they consider it as an investment. Furthermore, girls are more creative than boys this thing they taught from their childhood by doing household chores and well arranged home skills. Nowadays government has already started special programs for women empowerment and gender equality. Additionally, in each and every field special reservation for women are imposed for the job. For example, Kalpna Chawala is a famous astronomer for space research while Arjit Singh is an eminent singer in the musical industry. This example clearly indicates that in present scenario, there is no discrimination between gender. Consequently, in future also this freedom of choice should be remain and anyone can join whatever they like. To conclude, girls mostly opted for arts while boys want to choose science in their studies due to several inborn talents and the expenditure of a particular subject. However, this trend is now changed completely because of gender equality and women empowerment of this egalitarian society.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational institutions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
opted for art and craft studies while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
want to take science stream. In my opinion, there is a plethora of reasons for this phenomenon.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation this trend should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of gender equality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
have more artistic characteristics,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
want to solve more logical puzzles.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
have inborn talent and interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in art subject.
Moreover
, in science subject the expenditure of study is high. To be more specific, in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
will go in their husband's home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they consider as an expense while for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
they consider it as an investment.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are more creative than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
this thing they taught from their childhood by doing household chores and well arranged home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
special programs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment and gender equality.
Additionally
, in each and every field special reservation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are imposed
for the job.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalpna
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chawala
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
astronomer for space research while
Possible spelling mistake found.
Arjit
Singh is an eminent singer in the musical industry. This example
clearly
indicates that in present scenario, there is no discrimination between gender.
Consequently
, in future
also
this freedom of choice should be
Consider using the past participle "remained"?
remain
and anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
whatever they like.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
mostly
opted for arts while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
want to choose science in their studies due to several inborn talents and the expenditure of a particular subject.
However
, this trend is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of gender equality and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment of this egalitarian society.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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