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In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v.10

In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v. 10
According to the traditional belief, men are the bread winners while females are caregivers and responsible for taking care of the family. This belief, along with some old-fashioned views that boys are good at mathematics while females are not, is the predominate reason for many parents to encourage their sons to study in science while daughters to art-related subjects. I wholeheartedly believe that this trend should be changed. To begin with, it is generally believed that boys are good at science-related subjects. This view is rooted so deep in our society that many females have already accepted it. This is more prevalent in developing countries where parents expect their sons to have a career while daughters become moderately educated and finally get married and have a family. Strangely, studying in science majors require more money in most of the countries and this is why parents naturally select their boys to study science. Females, on the other hand, need to take many responsibilities of the family even during their student life and prefer to have subjects that do not require a great deal of study, as they consider it. Men and women have similar capacities and given an equal opportunity many women would excel in science related subjects. Great scientists like Marie Curie, Ada Lovelace, and Emilie du Chatelet have proved that women are no less than men when it comes to science. The heinous trend of gender discrimination even in education should be stopped. Good news is that women in many engineering and technology subjects are already occupying half of the seats in many prestigious universities. Thus the day is not far away when the social custom or emotional aversion of parents would accept that their daughters are just as talented as their sons are in any areas including science. To conclude, women empowerment is quite an important factor for the overall development of a nation and that is why females should be given a fair chance to participate in any subjects including science majors in schools. This trend would bring more positive outcomes than restricting their fields of education and work.
According to the traditional belief,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are the bread winners while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are caregivers and responsible for taking care of the family. This belief, along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned views that boys are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at mathematics while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are not, is the predominate reason for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to encourage their sons to study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
while daughters to art-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I
wholeheartedly
believe that this trend should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
generally
believed that boys are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at science-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. This view
is rooted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
deep in our society that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
have already
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
it. This is more prevalent in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
their sons to have a career while daughters become
moderately
educated and
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and have a family.
Strangely
, studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
majors require more money in most of the countries and this is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
naturally
select their boys to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
,
on the other hand
, need to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities of the family even during their student life and prefer to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that do not require a great deal of study, as they consider it.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have similar capacities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an equal opportunity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
would excel in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Great scientists like Marie Curie, Ada Lovelace, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Emilie
Possible spelling mistake found.
du
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chatelet
have proved that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are no less than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. The heinous trend of gender discrimination even in education should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
news is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
engineering and technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are already occupying half of the seats in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prestigious universities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the day is not far away when the social custom or emotional aversion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would accept that their daughters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as talented as their sons are in any areas including science.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment is quite an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor for the
overall
development of a nation and
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
chance to participate in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
majors in schools. This trend would bring more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes than restricting their fields of education and work.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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