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In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v.1

In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v. 1
There are few institutions and colleges where females women are interested in selecting the arts stream courses like literature whereas males men prefers are selecting the science stream courses such as physics, chemistry. This essay will first discuss about the factors leading to the practice in selection of the subjects and then about the need to change this trend. On the one hand, the foremost reason for this phenomenon is that the boys are more competitive and are fascinated in selecting the most challenging and physically demanding courses like science and engineering while the girls are opting to pick the less competitive subjects such as literature and history. There is a strong belief in society, that in future the boys are the ones who financially support the family, so their choice of subject in science which guarantees job with a good salary scale, while the girls are forced to choose the arts stream subjects, just to hold a degree or to have a less challenging job. For example, the higher side of lecturing jobs is held by females, and in contrast, scientists by males. On the other hand, this trend should be changed by individuals on giving importance to their area of interest not by the tradition or social influences. Moreover, the awareness has to be spread widely about the selection of career path, because students will excel in their chosen fields only if they are interested in it. For instance, history has proven that women are as good as men in science as many females are awarded Nobel Prize in science. In conclusion, the gender characteristics and society are still influencing the choice of study and career. This trend should to be changed by the students by selecting their own interested field rather than social influence
There are few institutions and colleges where females women
are interested
in selecting the arts stream courses like literature whereas males
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
prefers are selecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
stream courses such as physics, chemistry. This essay will
first
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
factors leading to the practice in selection of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and then about the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this trend.

On the one hand, the foremost reason for this phenomenon is that the boys are more competitive and
are fascinated
in selecting the most challenging and
physically
demanding courses like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and engineering while the girls are opting to pick the less competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as literature and history. There is a strong belief in society, that in future the boys are the ones who
financially
support the family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
which guarantees job with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary scale, while the girls
are forced
to choose the arts stream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to hold a degree or to have a less challenging job.
For example
, the higher side of lecturing jobs
is held
by females, and
in contrast
, scientists by males.

On the other hand
, this trend should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by individuals on giving importance to their area of interest not by the tradition or social influences.
Moreover
, the awareness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be spread
widely
about the selection of career path,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
students will excel in their chosen fields
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they
are interested
in it.
For instance
, history has proven that women are as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
females
are awarded
Nobel Prize in science.

In conclusion
, the gender characteristics and society are
still
influencing the choice of study and career. This trend should to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
by the students by selecting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interested field
rather
than social
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
influence
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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