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In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.1

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 1
To begin with, the New Year eve, Halloween, etc. western ceremonies have become more popular these days than the traditional festivals in many countries. For instance, in many Asian countries, the new Year are more prominent celebration than their century-old festivals. Globalisation, the internet and satellite TV channels have made a lasting impression on young to accept foreign cultures even more. No doubt the traditional ways of life no longer have an appeal to the modern generation and thus they have inclined to accept global culture over their own ones. In regards to preventing this development, parents and teachers should teach the younger students the value of their own culture. There is nothing wrong in knowing about the foreign culture but when they become our main culture, the problems arise. As the citizen of a country, we must not forget our history, tradition and culture. Thus the patriotic feelings should be nurtured to be even better citizens and prevent the detrimental effects of alien cultures. Moreover, more chapters on academic syllabus should be dedicated to teaching the students about our true identity, cultural aspects and traditions. This will create a sense of respect and adherence to our own culture. To conclude, each tradition has its own set of traditional occasions and events which should be more emphasised than the foreign traditions. Building up an acute sense of patriotism and respect for our own culture is required to save our true cultural identity.
To
begin
with, the New Year eve, Halloween, etc. western ceremonies have become more popular these days than the traditional festivals in
many
countries.
For instance
, in
many
Asian countries, the new Year are more prominent celebration than their century-
old
festivals.
Globalisation
, the internet and satellite TV channels have made a lasting impression on young to accept foreign
cultures
even more. No doubt the traditional ways of life no longer have an appeal to the modern generation and
thus
they have inclined to accept global
culture
over their
own
ones.

In regards to
preventing this development, parents and teachers should teach the younger students the value of their
own
culture
. There is nothing
wrong
in knowing about the foreign
culture
but
when they become our main
culture
, the problems arise. As the citizen of a country, we
must
not forget our history,
tradition
and
culture
.
Thus
the patriotic feelings should
be nurtured
to be even better citizens and
prevent
the detrimental effects of alien
cultures
.
Moreover
, more chapters on academic syllabus should
be dedicated
to teaching the students about our true identity, cultural aspects and
traditions
. This will create a sense of respect and adherence to our
own
culture.

To conclude
, each
tradition
has its
own
set of traditional occasions and
events
which should be more
emphasised
than the foreign
traditions
. Building up an acute sense of patriotism and respect for our
own
culture
is required
to save our true cultural identity.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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