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In some countries young people have little leisure time and under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In some countries young people have little leisure time and under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
Nowadays a lot of young people in different countries face difficulties related to much hard work in their studies which lead to little time for leisure activities. I am going to write about the causes and solutions connected to the issue. Firstly, several subjects are taught at universities which are not connected to the students’ field or they have already studied them at schools. Besides their field subjects, they have to spend extra time studying the books or doing research for the topics which will not be useful in their career in the future. For instance, I had history and mathematics subjects at university, however I do not need any of them at my workplace. Secondly, some tutors give too much homework that students try hard to meet the deadline, where they end up not having enough time to have a rest. Finally, in some countries students are supposed to attend all lessons with limited absent marks, even though in developed countries there is no obligation to attend every lesson. I believe that there are some ways to eliminate pressure on students and let them have extra time to spend for themselves. In order to minimize non-field subjects education system should take some measures. One of them is to take out these subjects from curriculum. It would result in having less lessons and more free time for students. Furthermore, too much paperwork could be replaced with projects and presentations in groups or peers, since as future employees or employer they are not expected to write paperwork at their workplaces. Giving projects to students would make them to spend more time with their groupmates which also takes pressure and makes them feel more relaxed. Finally, being able not to attend all the classes, students could have a choice to decide which classes to attend and when it is suitable for them. For instance, if a student didn’t feel well, he would be able to stay at home and get recovered. To conclude, I assume that, the solutions mentioned above would create great opportunities for young people to spend more time with their friends doing favorite activities.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries face difficulties related
Did you mean "too"?
to
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work in their studies which lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure activities. I am going to write about the causes and solutions connected to the issue.

Firstly
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are taught
at universities which are not connected to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
field or
they have already studied them at schools.
Besides
their field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
studying the books or doing research for the topics which will not be useful in their career in the future.
For instance
, I had history and mathematics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at university,
however
I do not need any of them at my workplace.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tutors give too much homework that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the deadline, where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up not having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to have a rest.
Finally
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are supposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
all lessons with limited absent marks,
even though
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
there is no obligation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
every lesson.

I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways to eliminate pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them have extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
for themselves. In order to minimize non-field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
education system should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures. One of them is to take out these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
from curriculum. It would result in having
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun lessons is countable.
less
lessons and more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Furthermore
, too much paperwork could
be replaced
with projects and presentations in groups or peers, since as future employees or employer they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to write paperwork at their workplaces. Giving projects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
groupmates
which
also
takes pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel more relaxed.
Finally
, being able not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
all the classes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could have a choice to decide which classes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attend
and when it is suitable for them.
For instance
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
didn’t feel well, he would be able to stay at home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
recovered.

To conclude
, I assume that, the solutions mentioned above would create great opportunities for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends doing favorite activities.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay In some countries young people have little leisure time and under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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