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In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
Learning is a process that requires a lot of hard work. Despite this, young people need to create time for leisure activities to relieve themselves of the tension that comes with their studies. There are a number of reasons why young people in certain countries are under pressure to study hard with little or no time for relaxation. This essay will highlight the causes and will also suggest possible solutions to them. Perhaps the most important cause is the general perception that one can only get good and well-paying jobs by studying hard. A lot of young people who have dreams of living luxurious lives therefore believe that the only way of actualising their dreams is to study hard with little or no time for relaxation. Another possible cause is parental influence. A lot of parents are hard on their children in matters related to their academic performance. These children are often afraid to go home with poor grades because of the reaction they will likely get from their parents. To avoid this, they will often study hard in school just to impress their parents. For example, in a typical Nigerian home where I come from, children are often scared of showing their school report to their parents if they have any grade that falls short of an A. They therefore are under a lot of pressure studying so they can obtain grades that their parents will be proud of. To suggest possible solutions, the most important will probably be to create awareness in schools on the importance of leisure activities while studying and the possible health and mental side effects of not doing so. Schools should also create conducive environment for learning with leisure facilities that are easily accessible. Parents also need to be enlightened on the need to support their children in their weak subjects rather than criticise them. To conclude, good results can only be achieved when there is a good balance between work and play.
Learning is a process that requires a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work. Despite this, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to create time for leisure activities to relieve themselves of the tension that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. There are a number of reasons why young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in certain countries are under pressure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no time for relaxation. This essay will highlight the causes and will
also
suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
solutions to them.

Perhaps the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause is the general perception that one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and well-paying jobs by studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have dreams of living luxurious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
therefore
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way of
Possible spelling mistake. 'actualising' is British English.
actualising
their dreams is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no time for relaxation. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
cause is parental influence. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in matters related to their academic performance. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
afraid to go home with poor grades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reaction they will likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their
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parents
. To avoid this, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to impress their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, in a typical Nigerian home where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
scared of showing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
report to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
if they have any grade that falls short of an A. They
therefore
are under a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of pressure studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can obtain grades that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will be proud of.

To suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
solutions, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
will
probably
be to create awareness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
on the importance of leisure activities while studying and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
health and mental side effects of not doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
should
also
create conducive environment for learning with leisure facilities that are
easily
accessible.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
also
need to
be enlightened
on the need to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their weak subjects
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake. 'criticise' is British English.
criticise
them.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achieved
when there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
balance between work and play.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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