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In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
Learning is a process that requires a lot of hard work. Despite this, young people need to create time for leisure activities to relieve themselves of the tension that comes with their studies. There are a number of reasons why young people in certain countries are under pressure to study hard with little or no time for relaxation. This essay will highlight the causes and will also suggest possible solutions to them. Perhaps the most important cause is the general perception that one can only get good and well-paying jobs by studying hard. A lot of young people who have dreams of living luxurious lives therefore believe that the only way of actualising their dreams is to study hard with little or no time for relaxation. Another possible cause is parental influence. A lot of parents are hard on their children in matters related to their academic performance. These children are often afraid to go home with poor grades because of the reaction they will likely get from their parents. To avoid this, they will often study hard in school just to impress their parents. For example, in a typical Nigerian home where I come from, children are often scared of showing their school report to their parents if they have any grade that falls short of an A. They therefore are under a lot of pressure studying so they can obtain grades that their parents will be proud of. To suggest possible solutions, the most important will probably be to create awareness in schools on the importance of leisure activities while studying and the possible health and mental side effects of not doing so. Schools should also create conducive environment for learning with leisure facilities that are easily accessible. Parents also need to be enlightened on the need to support their children in their weak subjects rather than criticise them. To conclude, good results can only be achieved when there is a good balance between work and play.
Learning is a process that requires a
lot
of
hard
work. Despite this, young
people
need to create time for leisure activities to relieve themselves of the tension that
comes
with their
studies
. There are a number of reasons why young
people
in certain countries are under pressure to
study
hard
with
little
or no time for relaxation. This essay will highlight the causes and will
also
suggest
possible
solutions to them.

Perhaps the most
important
cause is the general perception that one can
only
get
good
and well-paying jobs by studying
hard
. A
lot
of young
people
who have dreams of living luxurious
lives
therefore
believe that the
only
way of
actualising
their dreams is to
study
hard
with
little
or no time for relaxation. Another
possible
cause is parental influence. A
lot
of
parents
are
hard
on their
children
in matters related to their academic performance. These
children
are
often
afraid to go home with poor grades
because
of the reaction they will likely
get
from their
parents
. To avoid this, they will
often
study
hard
in
school
just
to impress their
parents
.
For example
, in a typical Nigerian home where I
come
from,
children
are
often
scared of showing their
school
report to their
parents
if they have any grade that falls short of an A. They
therefore
are under a
lot
of pressure studying
so
they can obtain grades that their
parents
will be proud of.

To suggest
possible
solutions, the most
important
will
probably
be to create awareness in
schools
on the importance of leisure activities while studying and the
possible
health and mental side effects of not doing
so
.
Schools
should
also
create conducive environment for learning with leisure facilities that are
easily
accessible.
Parents
also
need to
be enlightened
on the need to support their
children
in their weak subjects
rather
than
criticise
them.

To conclude
,
good
results can
only
be achieved
when there is a
good
balance between work and play.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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