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In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.3

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 3
Some young people find themselves with very little leisure time. I believe there are two major causes of this situation. The first is parental pressure and the second is competition for university places. Every parent wants to see his or her child do well in school and go on to have a successful career. This means that they exert pressure on their children to spend hours each day studying at home. Some even arrange extra tuition for their children. In my own country, it is not uncommon for young people to spend another three hours at small private schools after their usual day at stale school is over. As a consequence, their leisure time is extremely limited and the pressure on them is considerable. The second cause is related to the higher education system. Each year, there are many times more applicants to university than there are university places. The result of this is that only those students with very high grades, manage to obtain a place. This contributes to the pressure on teenagers since they must work long hours to have any chance of success. One solution to the problem is for parents to be made aware of the effects of the pressure they put on their children. Schools should inform parents that too much pressure can lead to anxiety, stress and depression. They should be shown ways in which they can help their children lead more balanced lives with a reasonable amount of leisure time. Another effective solution would be for the government to invest in the creation of more university places. This could be done by expanding existing universities or by building new ones. This would have the effect of easing competition for places, giving teenagers, some of their precious free time back.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find themselves with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I believe there are two major causes of this situation. The
first
is parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and the second is competition for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
places.

Every parent wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
child do well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and go on to have a successful career. This means that they exert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend hours each day studying at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
even arrange extra tuition for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country, it is not uncommon for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to spend another three hours at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
after their usual day at stale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is over. As a consequence, their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
extremely
limited and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on them is considerable.

The second cause
is related
to the higher education system. Each year, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
more applicants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
than there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. The result of this is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those students with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high grades, manage to obtain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. This contributes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work long hours to have any chance of success.

One solution to the problem is for parents to
be made
aware of the effects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
they put on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
should inform parents that too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
can lead to anxiety,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and depression. They should
be shown
ways in which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lead more balanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with a reasonable amount of leisure time.

Another effective solution would be for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to invest in the creation of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. This could
be done
by expanding existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
or by building new ones. This would have the effect of easing competition for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, giving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their precious free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
back.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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