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In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples v.4

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? 4
It is an undeniable fact that the popularity of being a celebrity can lead to various advantages and disadvantages. Although stardom can intervene in the private lives of celebrities, in my opinion, the benefits of achieving the status of a popular celebrity such as earning wealth certainly outweigh any of its disadvantages. To begin with, the main problem that most of the popular actors and celebrities face is interference in their personal lives. To elaborate, owing to their popularity, people are always keen to know about their personal activities, this is the reason media these days capture all the happenings of their lives and publish them in social media. As a result, these stories sometimes leads to serious repercussions and destroy the peace of the lives of actors. For instance, the famous actor Hritik Roshan gets divorced due to the false rumours of his affair with Kangna Ranaut. Therefore, undeniably the personal lives of celebrities get hampered to some extent with rising popularity. Despite the above-mentioned problem, being a celebrity brings more benefits. Earning fame and wealth is a major advantage that allows a famous person to live a lavish life and fulfil all their desires. With the increase in their popularity, they become idols for many and can lead to the zeniths of success with their talent in a short span of time. To illustrate, in the list of top 20 most successful people of India, the first three positions are earned by the Bollywood actors. Hence, with the respect and fame earned through their work, they can surely achieve success not only in their native country but also throughout the world. In conclusion, while fame can harm to the personal life of celebrities, in my perspective the wealth and respect earned provides them more benefits.
It is an undeniable fact that the popularity of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
can lead to various advantages and disadvantages. Although stardom can intervene in the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, in my opinion, the benefits of achieving the status of a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
such as earning wealth
certainly
outweigh any of its disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main problem that most of the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actors
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
face is interference in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. To elaborate, owing to their popularity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are always keen to know about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
activities, this is the reason media these days capture all the happenings of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and publish them in social media.
As a result
, these stories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
leads to serious repercussions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the peace of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actors
.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hritik
Roshan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
divorced due to the false
Possible spelling mistake found.
rumours
of his affair with
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kangna
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ranaut
.
Therefore
,
undeniably
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hampered to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent with rising popularity.

Despite the above-mentioned problem, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
brings more benefits. Earning fame and wealth is a major advantage that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a lavish life and fulfil all their desires. With the increase in their popularity, they become idols for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and can lead to the zeniths of success with their talent in a short span of time. To illustrate, in the list of top 20 most successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of India, the
first
three positions
are earned
by the Bollywood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actors
.
Hence
, with the respect and fame earned through their work, they can
surely
achieve success not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their native country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
throughout the world.

In conclusion
, while fame can harm to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, in my perspective the wealth and respect earned provides them more benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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