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In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
It is argued that companies should recruit the workforce for the lifelong. I believe that how long an employee wants to work for a company should be up to the employee. This essay would talk about why hiring an individual for life long is not the effective way. Although it is good to have a job for lifelong, having a job satisfaction for an employee plays a vital role in work productivity and happiness. Employees would be more productive when they are satisfied with their current job roles and responsibilities. As a result, they work efficiently and deliver their task before the deadline. For example, employees finish their work assignments on time if they are happy with their present paying job. Moreover, keeping an employee forever would restrict the new talent as the existing employee may not learn the new skills required for the company. Another reason why I disagree with the businesses hiring employees for the lifetime is that the company might not have enough work for their employee, which might cause employees to be lazy at work. Some companies keep the employees on the payroll, although when there is not enough work. This is because some employers think that it is good practice to have back up workforce. For instance, employers might not find the right employee for the company, so they retain the employee even if there is not enough work. In conclusion, it is not a great idea for an employer to hire an employee for life long. Working for a short period of time for a business is effective for both employer and employee.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should recruit the workforce for the lifelong. I believe that how long an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should be up to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. This essay would talk about why hiring an individual for life long is not the effective way.

Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for lifelong, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
plays a vital role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productivity and happiness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
would be more productive when they
are satisfied
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
roles and responsibilities.
As a result
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiently
and deliver their task
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the deadline.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
finish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
assignments on time if they are happy with their present paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Moreover
, keeping an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
forever would restrict the new talent as the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
may not learn the new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Another reason why I disagree with the businesses hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for the lifetime is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
might not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
, which might cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to be lazy at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
on the payroll, although when there is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
practice to have back up workforce.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
might not find the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they retain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
even if there is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
work.

In conclusion
, it is not a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
to hire an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
for life long. Working for a short period of time for a business is effective for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot pressure to work hard in their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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