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TPO 47 - Question 2Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In the future, people will read fewer books than they do toady. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion v.1

TPO 47 - Question 2 In the future, people will read fewer books than they do toady. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion v. 1
Nowadays a significant number of students seek for higher education. While some people identify this as a good trend. Others feel more educated people would lose the balance of the society. However, in my opinion, everyone should attend a university to get well organized education. On the one hand, the people who believe the universities are not for everyone argue that if there are more educated people then, no one will be left to do physical work around the world. A graduate person would not like to engage in work that requires physical strength. Hence, jobs such as construction work, garbage collection would leave unattended. Moreover, more people looking for white collar jobs would increase the unemployment in the society because of the limited availability of those jobs. Therefore, certain factors are to be considered before more people are to be offered with a degree. On the other hand, educated people find different ways to do work, than the conventional method. When a graduate person involves with certain task they tend to find an easier ways to finish that work. For instance, thanks to the modern inventions we now have garbage collectors which do not require human interactions and also various kinds of machineries to do construction work. Hence, educated people always find new methods to do work in a more convenient way. Furthermore, if there is no one left to do the physical work, then companies will try to develop technology to do it with a machine, which definitely will create more employment opportunities. To conclude, some people are concerned about the fact that everyone seeking for university education will leave the physical work required job unattended. Yet, I believe well educated society will find new ways to accomplish those tasks without human interactions.
Nowadays a significant number of students seek for higher education. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
identify this as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trend. Others feel more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would lose the balance of the society.
However
, in my opinion, everyone should attend a university to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well organized education.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe the universities are not for everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "argues", "argued".
argue
that if there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean "than"?
then
, no one will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
around the world. A graduate person would not like to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
such as construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, garbage collection would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
unattended.
Moreover
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
looking for white collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
would increase the unemployment in the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the limited availability of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Therefore
, certain factors are to
be considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are to
be offered
with a degree.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, than the conventional method.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
a graduate person involves with certain task they tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
an easier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to finish that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
, thanks to the modern inventions we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have garbage collectors which do not require human interactions and
also
various kinds of
Possible spelling mistake found.
machineries
to do construction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
new methods to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a more convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
.
Furthermore
, if there is no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will try to develop technology to do it with a machine, which definitely will create more employment opportunities.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are concerned
about the fact that everyone seeking for university education will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
unattended.
Yet
, I believe well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
society will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to accomplish those tasks without human interactions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay TPO 47 - Question 2 In the future, people will read fewer books than they do toady. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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