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Nowadays people are living longer and some believe that this can contribute to people s development What are the causes of this change Is it a positive or negative phenomenon v.1

Nowadays people are living longer and some believe that this can contribute to people s development What are the causes of this change Is it a positive or negative phenomenon v. 1
It is quite obvious that, changing the way of living has aroused a lot of debates and discussions around it. People have actually differed about it. Some individuals argue that the changes have a diverse impact, whilst another group claims that, it is more beneficiary to do new things and try nontraditional activities. This essay will deal with both opposite views to reach the most appropriate thought. On one hand, a group of people believes that, they have to spend their life in the same way, for the following reasons. Firstly, they fear of any new thing, besides, their vision mainly on the hazards that they may face. Additionally, they are satisfied with their way of keeping healthy or financially. For example, some older people prefer to be employees rather than having their own business, as a matter of stability and guarantee the fixed monthly income. Nevertheless, another group holds a totally different point of view, which is taking risks and doing new things are more advantageous and it has its own causes. First, being a tradition person will not give you the chance to explore the new technology or to be updated with the new attractions in other nations. Moreover, they prefer to travel to places where there conditions are hard. For instance, some friends decide to climb a dangerous rocky mountain which is a marvellous adventure and new thing to try regardless the hazards of such trip. To summarize, even though the two opinions seem convincing, as each one of them has its own rationale. In my opinion, I definitely agree with the last concept which states that, the benefits of being open-minded person and do nontraditional things surpass its deficits for the previous reasons mentioned before.
It is quite obvious that, changing the way of living has aroused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
debates and
Did you mean "discussions about"?
discussions around
it.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have actually differed about it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have a diverse impact, whilst another group claims that, it is more beneficiary to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and try nontraditional activities. This essay will deal with both opposite views to reach the most appropriate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
.

On one hand, a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend their life
in the same way
, for the following reasons.
Firstly
, they fear of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
thing,
besides
, their vision
mainly
on the hazards that they may face.
Additionally
, they
are satisfied
with their way of keeping healthy or
financially
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to be employees
rather
than having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business, as a matter of stability and guarantee the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
monthly income.

Nevertheless
, another group holds a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of view, which is taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
and doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things are more advantageous and it has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
causes.
First
, being a tradition person will not give you the chance to explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology or to
be updated
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
attractions in other nations.
Moreover
, they prefer to travel to places where there conditions are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
friends decide to climb a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
rocky mountain which is a
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
adventure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
thing to try regardless the hazards of such trip.

To summarize
,
even though
the two opinions seem convincing, as each one of them has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
rationale. In my opinion, I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the last concept which states that, the benefits of being open-minded person and do nontraditional things surpass its deficits for the previous reasons mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS essay Nowadays people are living longer and some believe that this can contribute to people s development What are the causes of this change Is it a positive or negative phenomenon v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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